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Since Giuliani left it's getting harder to harvest hobo organs.


Professor Milton Green, who's working on a three volume biography of Jimmy Carter, and if I give him a kidney he might, just might, live long enough to finish it.


There's no such thing as bisexual. That's just something invented in the 90s so they could sell more hair products.


You know what family means to me Lemon? Resentment, guilt, anger, Easter egg hunts that turn into knife fights.


Liz: If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: When a child doesn't see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level with drop until he pees himself.

I feel like you're not telling me something, Jack. Lemme guess. You bought a sidecar for your motorcycle and your dog won't stay in it.


My love child tracked me down. I was scared, shocked, angry. Like a dog in a sidecar when it comes loose from the motorcycle.


This is the defining thing of my life. It's not gonna be that hit-and-run!


Once I'm in the building I can get in the cafeteria. And that means free ice.


I do have a hard time telling ages with black - shoes are the best kind of shoes.


Don't push it Liz, let it happen. There's gonna be a Mama Mia!


She texts her gay friends while I write 'til four in the morning eating dry fistfuls of Raisin Bean to stay awake, which, by the way, is how I'm able to ride the fart train to work every day.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 229 in total

30 Rock Season 3 Quotes

If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, it's to keep your friends close and your enemies so close that you're almost kissing.


Liz: I got rid of all my Colin Firth movies in case they consider it erotica.
Jack: That man can wear a sweater.