Olivia: So, you left halfway through your waxing, and now it looks like a seven?
Billie: Or, from my point of view, an L

Zack [carrying a toilet upstairs]: This thing was way cheap on Craigslist.
Davis: This is a used toilet?!

Zack [about his ribs Billie stole]: They were only boiled. I hadn't even barbecued them yet.
Billie: Oh, I dipped them in some maple syrup and they were fantastic!

Sasha: I know you will say the exact right thing to make me feel better.
Billie: ... There, there.
Sasha: You are so wise

Andrea: I'm just not interested in anything more than a physical relationship with you.
Davis: Why?! I mean, what is it about me? Is-- is it because I live in a dump? Or because I have no money... or any desire to make money? Because I have no goals or dreams... or desire to have any goals or dreams?

Zack: Uh, Sasha, look, how do I put this? Some foods just don't go together: pickles and melon, whip cream and eggplant or...
Sasha: Radishes and yogurt. Oh God! I've heard this exact speech so many times. You're breaking up with me

Abby: Listen, I know that you think the only reason we're friends is because of Billie but that...
Olivia: That is not true! I don't think we're friends

You know, since you and I broke up, I'm... not going to lie -- I've been skewing kinda young. My new formula is my age divided by two minus three

James [to Billie]

Davis [about Billie]: I thought the two of you were cool with dating other people?
Zack: Yeah, but who's going to date her? She's got stuff popping out all over the place. You know, and I want to be a good guy about this, so I'm just going to do it behind her back.
Davis: You're a class act, Zack

This chick is really out of my league. I mean, she's the kind that only sleeps with guys who have doors on their bathrooms... You know, fancy guys

Davis

Davis: What's the next move with this girl?
Billie: Well, that depends. I mean, do we want to have a relationship with her or we're just looking to introduce our genitals to each other?
Davis: Ah, I've done the whole just-get-laid-casual-sex-never-see-each-other-again thing, so what I'm ready for now... is more of that

Abby: I have some amazing, unbelievable news that is going to blow you away.
Billie: Oh my God! Are you...?!
Abby: Yes! I'm Facebook friends with Olivia!

Accidentally on Purpose Quotes

There's all kinds of weird fetishes, like people are into weird costumes or... feet or... monogamy.

James

Were you using my grandmother's urn as a water pipe?

Billie