Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Archer Quotes
Katya: They're jingling, baby.
Archer: Huh! I didn't know you were a fan of early crossover mainstream hip-hop!
Yeah, a little baby girl, Abijean. With Lana. And then we started going out again, and it's kind of amazing, really. We're like, connecting, you know, and I realized that all this time, even though we fought like cats and a very tall dog, we've always been best friends. And then to realize that you might actually be in love with your best friend, who also happens to be the mother of your child, that's like a miracle.
Pam: How do you not murder her every day?
Krieger: I do!
Lana: Just curious, what happened between your bedroom and right now?
Archer: Well, you were hysterical, Lana, so I thought the best thing to do would be inject you with a tranquilizer, drive you to a private air field, put you on a CIA plane, fly you overnight to Wales, and then...that brings us to now.
Seriously, what is this, the Shire?
Lana
Archer: This place is right out of a fairytale.
Lana: Yeah, a fairytale in which the heroine is drugged and kidnapped.
Archer: You realize that's like every fairytale.
Don't yell at me, I'm not the one advocating rape and child cannibalism.
Krieger: Alrighty, can someone give me a hand?
Cheryl: But Doctor, I thought the patient was getting the hand.
Krieger: Speaking of hands, Nurse, I'm -
Cheryl: Overplaying yours?
Krieger: Well I was gonna say "putty in yours" m'dear but I'll have to hand it to ya!
Cheryl: Hmm - keep your hands to yourself, Doctor.
Cyril: Can we have a show of hands? Who thinks this is getting out of hand?
Ray: Goddammit!! Can you please shut up - and sew on my robot hand!
Lloyd Llewellyn: We tried to blow up a dam.
Lana: A dam?! What, to flood another bunch of people out of their homes?
Lloyd Llewellyn: Not real people, just English ones!
Now who wants an widdle ice chip! No? I suppose you'd prefer a nice big bottle of that liquid butter fat.
Malory
Goats - what in the Christ - I'll have your hide as boots and the rest of you as a curry!
Lana
Closet rampage!
