Carl: Now, wait a minute. This is just purely a social call. You know, just two adults getting a stew on, man.
Buster: I don't know what that means, but it sounds disgusting.

(to George Michael) We're all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I'm going to sleep with my daughter, and you're going to sleep with my husband.

Lindsay

George Sr.: Hey, Bruno, any chance that the hole is available between 4:00 and 6:00?
Lucille: I don't even want to know what that means.

Lucille 2: Buster, this is exactly why our relationship does not work.
Buster: Our relationship doesn't work?
Lucille 2: No, not as long as you keep getting me all mixed up with your mother.
Buster: It is exactly the opposite. I'm leaving my mother for you. You're replacing my mother.

There was somebody for a little while, but it was too much of a brother -- bother.

Michael

Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I deceived you, Mom. Trick makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

Gob: You've only had sex four times!
Michael: Not four times, four women!

Lucille: Blow.
(Holds out tissue)
Buster: No, Mother! I can blow myself.

Maeby: That's it! Tell me what's up with you and Dad.
Lindsay: Nothing. Nothing's wrong with your father and me. We have a-a wonderful, close relationship. Can I let you in on a little secret? Hmm? Having him in the next room makes me miss him all the more.
Maeby: Mom, please. He's got a big boy crush on Action Jackson.

Maeby: So, do you want to go to the movies? (George Michael pricks off a small piece of Maeby's hair with a tweezer and walks past her) Ow!
George Michael: I'll let you know when I get back from the lab.

Narrator: The family continued to chant "speech, speech, speech" for no one in particular.
(clapping ceases)
Michael: Gee, after all that, I was kinda hoping somebody would make a speech.
Buster: Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!
Michael: I'll say something.
Gob: Typical.

I cheated and I lied. And I whored around.

George Sr.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Lucille: I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Michael: (to George Michael) I'm gonna give you a promotion. Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Wow! I'm Mr. Manager!
Michael: Well, manager. We just say manager. And you can hire an employee if you need one.
George Michael: Do you think I need one?
Michael: Don't look at me, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Right. It's up to me now. I'm Mr. Manager.
Michael: Manager. We just say, uh --
George Michael: I know, but you just said --
Michael: Doesn't matter who.