George, Sr.: Tonight? No, it's Yontif, the first night of Yom Kippur.
Michael: Dad, that's just one night, and it's back in September. That's okay. You've only been a Jew for about two days.

Michael: Get that the hell out of this house! What's the matter with you?
Gob: Maybe you should save the lectures for your son. If he can remember them.

Michael: I want the guy with the one arm and the fake blood. J. Walter Weatherman. How do I get a hold of him?
George Sr.: Well, he's, uh, dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner on.

Michael: Tell you what. I'm going to give you the cash, but in return, I get to ask you for a favor sometime.
Gob: My gut is telling me no. But my gut is also very hungry.

George, Sr.: What time is it? Oh, almost sundown. I have to prepare for the Sabbath.
Michael: It's Tuesday.
George, Sr.: Shh.

What? Oh, no! It's the cops! Oh! And a ... Construction worker.


Gob: (about the hot cops) These guys are pros, Michael. They're gonna push the tension 'til the last possible moment before they strip.
Michael: They're not going to strip, are they?
Gob: I told them not to, but I can't promise that their instincts won't kick in.

Buster: I really appreciate you doing this for me. You're making a very miserable person happy.
George Michael: She really feels awful, huh?
Buster: Oh, I was talking about me. But yeah, she's a mess. Be careful.

Lindsay: I see. Fine. I was going to take her out for ice cream, but if you'd rather stay here. Well, that's just fine with me.
Maeby: Well, we can go get some ice cream, Gangee. That would be fun, right?
Lucille: I don't think so. That chubby little wrist of yours is testing the tensile strength of this bracelet as it is.

Michael: Oh, no. This can't be from my son.
Gob: Well, it is his handwriting. Plus, he left me $200. $100. 100 -- I accidentally said 200.
Michael: This is impossible. Why would he do this?
Gob: I know. You know? I was shocked. I mean, really, $100. You can't get good weed for a hundred bucks.

Lindsay: (about the broach) You know I wanted that.
Lucille: I know. But it's an elephant. And I didn't want to invite the comparison.

Michael: Your uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?
George Michael: No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Lindsay: No, Michael, I don't just sleep all day.
Narrator: Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap.

(Regarding Buster) Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her 'miracle baby'. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... He turned out a little soft, you know...

George Sr.