Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

(to Michael) So, you didn't get any while you were in high school, and now you're not going to get any while George Michael's in high school.

Lindsay

Hostess: Mrs. Bluth, there's absolutely no room.
Lindsay: Come on. I've suddenly lost my appetite.
Lucille: Oh, who's going to believe that?

If I still had money, I'd buy a Klimpy's just to burn it to the ground.

Lucille

(to Jessie) Instead of us getting jobs, why don't you do your job and tell everyone we've got jobs?

Lindsay

Michael: I met a publicist today. I'm going to hire her. We need somebody to make us look good.
Lucille: And I say it's a waste of money. We're-we're plenty sympathetic as we are. Is this your onion?
Lupe: Yes.
Lucille: What's in the foil?
Lupe: Nothing. It's a ball of foil for my son.
Lucille: Have a great day, sweetie.

Lindsay: (sobbing) How can you treat me this way?!
Lucille: Oh, please! Everything I've said about you can be covered with makeup and a lie about a thyroid problem. Good grief almighty! You think I'm enjoying my slide into poverty?

Buster: Uh, I'm unclear about what it is exactly you do.
Jessie: Excellent question. What a publicist does ...
Buster: No, no, I was talking to George Michael. When did you get a job?
George Michael: At the banana stand.
Buster: Oh, duh. I thought you meant, like, a plumber or something, and I was, like, when did that happen?

Jessie: I think it's best if you got a job.
Lindsay: Oh, come on! I'm a parent, I care about my daughter every bit as much as Michael cares about his son.
Maeby: What grade am I in?
Lindsay: What kind of job?

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