Arrested Development

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes (Page 7)

Season 1 Episode 14: "Shock and Aww"

Ms. Baerly: Sweet ride. Are you making dinner reservations?
Michael: No, no. That was my mom. She just had a little Korean dropped off.
Ms. Baerly: Ooh, that sounds good. Let's have that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ms. Baerly: Do you have a wife?
Michael: Yeah, but she's dead.
(they both laugh)
Ms. Baerly: Have you ever been married?
Michael: Yeah, she died.
Ms. Baerly: Oh, God, why are we laughing?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: What would Saddam do?
 • Rating: Unrated

Narrator: Michael was sharing his bed for the first time in years ... unfortunately, it was with his younger brother, Buster.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: Oh, Nagama, you've got a moustache.
Michael: Hey.
Gob: I mean, you've got milk on your moustache. I mean, you've got a milk moustache.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George Michael: This is my Ethics essay. I'm supposed to write 200 words on the morality of war-whether a preemptive strike is ever justified.
Michael: Absolutely. It's preemptive, you know? Happened before something else, so... if you can predict aggression, and you want to squash it... I don't know why you're not typing this. It's all good.
George Michael: I'm not sure my Ethics teacher would love if I cheated on my essay.
Michael: Well, you just passed my Ethics test.
 • Rating: 2.7 / 5.0

Ms. Baerly: ... even minor crimes are punishable by brutally chopping off the offender's hand.
George Michael: Oh. No ring.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: This is Shannon, the girl I've been telling you all about.
Michael: Yes. Girl, indeed. Young girl. That's a young, young, young girl.
Gob: Yeah. Well, she's 18, so it's, like...
 • Rating: Unrated

Narrator: But Gob mistook Michael's basic human decency for a romantic interest, and felt a competitive urge to step in.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cindi Lightballoon: Mr. Bluth, I'm Cindi Lightballoon. I've studied all your teachings, and I've purchased every tape, and I watch them over and over... I've also lost four pounds on your low-carb Bluth Banana Jail Bars. I've come to learn at your feet.
George Sr.: That's a good place to start.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lindsay: Hey, look, it's not coming from me. It's George Michael. He told me. I think he wants a mother.
Michael: Well, that's ridiculous. He's got you. He's got our mother. You'd think that would turn him off the entire concept.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ms. Baerly: Welcome. I'm Miss Baerly, the Ethics teacher. My goal is to teach your children about the preciousness of life that can be lost by the mindless pulling of a trigger.
Michael: Mmm. No ring.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ms. Baerly: I don't know. I mean, they just threw this class at me after Mr. Daniels had a stroke.
Michael: Oh! (Both laugh) I had him; Mr. Daniels. How is he?
Ms. Baerly: Oh, he, you know, had a stroke.
Michael: Oh. I thought you were joking.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lucille: Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least, I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you could even tell.
Michael: Yeah. Mom, I just spoke to Social Services, and although they don't like to do this, if you can prove that it's a bad environment for a child, and I would suggest saying what you just said to me. Don't change a word. They will take him back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nazhgalia: I'm sorry, Michael.
Gob: I'm sorry, too, Michael, but ... looks like we're even. You took something I liked, I took something you liked. Yeah. I (bleep)ed Nazbakalijan.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Again. Didn't like Nazhgalia.
Gob: Really?
Michael: Really. And good luck getting rid of her.
Gob: Oh, please. Not a problem. She knows it was a one-time thing. Totally cool.
(Phone rings)
Michael: So romantic.
Gob: Who's N. Bahn-Ahden?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ms. Baerly: Oh, hi. Hi, George Michael. I was just looking at this model home. I'm going to go home and think about it. I'm going to go home and think about it.
George Michael: Dad, what was she doing here? I mean, she wasn't ...
Narrator: Michael knew he had an ethical responsibility to tell his son the truth.
Michael: Yes. Your Uncle Gob slept with her.
 • Rating: Unrated

George Michael: Why would he do that? Why would Gob sleep with my Ethics teacher?
Michael: Probably just to get even with me.
George Michael: How would that be getting even with you? I'm the one that likes her.
Michael: Right. Right. No, I know. You and I know that, but Gob, you know, he's not that exact of a target shooter. He just kind of sprays it everywhere.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Don't you think you should be taking somebody your own age to the dance, like your cousin? Bad example, but ...
 • Rating: Unrated

Narrator: So, George Michael, still angry at Gob, sought out the family expert on making trouble.
Maeby: I know he was dating that girl Shannon.
George Michael: The cheerleader?
Maeby: Yeah, she's probably going to take him to that stupid Diversity Dance. I wish I had someone shocking to take. You know, I actually called Mr. Daniels and asked him, but he got all out of breath and dropped the phone. I never heard back.
George Michael: You know, maybe we should go together. All right, I mean, it's a bad example, I just ... but should we?
 • Rating: Unrated

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