Michael: All right, listen. This is all getting a little crazy. We cannot accept their conditions if we don't even know what their conditions are.
Barry: Do you wanna read it?
Michael: I know it's thick. Why don't we just take it?
Barry: I could kiss you on the *bleep*.
Michael: Ah, well it's -- what?!

Maggie: It's like the ten commandments saying, you know. "Be true to thine own self, and to thine own self.."
Michael: "... be true." Yeah, number seven.

Gob: And now you love the ten commandments. And yet you're the one who so conveniently forgot "Thou shalt protect thy father and honor no one above him unless it be-ith me, thy sweet Lord".
Michael: I'm not sure that one made it down the mountain, Gob.

So, what about us? We were starting to establish some trust. Except for all the lies.


Maggie: Did you ever see him return from these trips with anything unusual?
Buster: He once came back once with a black statue with an erect penis. It stayed in our living room until my aunt objected.

Gob: Sorry, did you say seals?
Gob's Wife: Yes! I trade trained seals for a living! Do you ever listen?
Gob: Do you ever stop talking?

Lindsay: We would like you to tutor our daughter.
Tobias: Now, of course, we are having a bit of a cash flow problem. But I assure you; if you bring our little girl's grades up, I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream, you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block!
George Michael: But we're the only house on the block.
(Camera shows a shot of the Bluth house in the middle of nowhere)
Tobias: Perhaps we should get somebody else.

Maeby: Enjoy the $200.
George Michael: This is six $20s.
Maeby: That's right.

Narrator: That morning, however, she had some startling news for him.
Cindi: I'm a mole.
George Sr.: Well, you know, God - God doesn't care how big your teeth are. Yes, you could go to a dentist and you could, whoo - you could grind off about - I don't know - 30%. Maybe more. Yeah, I wouldn't miss it.

Gob: I told you to walk away. I told you to give a fake name.
Michael: I did. Thanks very much. I'm Chareth Cutestory, a pirate lawyer. It was airtight.

Michael: Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't.
Gob: Yes, I did.

Michael: I actually had a pretty interesting night myself.
Gob: Really? What'd you do, read the plea?

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Gob: Take off your glasses. Oh ... Wait, wait. Let down your hair. No, glasses on, hair back up. Let's just get that hair right back up.
Kitty: Let me turn the lights off.
Gob: Yes, yes, please.
Kitty: How's that? Is that better?
Gob: It just seems like there's still light coming in from under the door.

Lindsay: No, Michael, I don't just sleep all day.
Narrator: Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap.