Better Off Ted

Tuesdays 8:30 PM on ABC

Better Off Ted "Beating a Dead Workforce" Quotes

Veronica: Now let's go upstairs and get back to work, for tonight, we dine in Hell!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: So the company backed down on the new hours?
Veronica: Mm-hmm.
Ted: I/we did it, because I/we stood up for what was right. I/we am proud of me/us.
Veronica: I/me, too, Ted. Together, we're like Gandhi. I'm skinny, and you're tan.
• Rating: Unrated

Perry: But Jenkins was still a great man, right? I mean, you were with him when he helped that killer whale find its way home.
Phil: I had not heard that one. Was that an embellishment of the time I helped that large woman with the hole in the top of her head find her way back to her apartment?
Lem: Actually, I stole that story from Free Willy.
Phil: Oh.
• Rating: Unrated

Phil: Lem, I talked to the chef. It turns out that broasting is a combination of, and I quoting, "roasting and get the hell out of my kitchen." He wouldn't tell me the proportions.
• Rating: Unrated

Ted: I need to sabotage the sleep system and make sure it's not finished in time for Relaxacon.
Linda: Cool. That's not sex, but it beats getting knocked to the floor so hard you want to go back to Wisconsin and get your master's in Cheese Sciences.
Ted: Yes, it does.
• Rating: Unrated

Lem: It's Broasting Day in the cafeteria. It'll give us another chance to figure out what broasting is.
Phil: Well, I do want to get to the bottom of that. Okay, we'll have lunch. I just hope "broasting" is not a typo, like that butter crotch pudding.
• Rating: Unrated

Veronica: If you want to get the company off this, you have to show them that this new pace will cost them money. Because the company loves its money. If they could, they'd go to strip clubs and throw naked women at money.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lem: Gordon Jenkins was a good man. But he was also a complex man. For example, he liked coffee, but he did not like having coffee thrown at him. In fact, Jenkins hated being burned by any hot liquid. In that way, he was like many of us, sensitive to heat. What a character. Goodbye, Jenkins. I hope you're throwing coffee at God right now.
Veronica: Nice work, Lem. Goosebumps.
Lem: Really?
Veronica: Sure. Why not?
• Rating: Unrated

Phil: I love sugar cookies. When I was a kid, my mom used to make 'em. But instead of sugar, she'd use brandy. And instead of milk, she dipped them in brandy.
• Rating: Unrated