Better Off Ted

Better Off Ted "The Lawyer, The Lemur and the Little Listener" Quotes

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 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Veronica: God, I love Asia. There's no regulation on anything. Did you know companies there can just shoot a man in the street? I heard that at a conference about reasons to move your business to Asia.
Linda: I know. They make it crazy hard to kill anyone here. I want my country back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: All I have to do is look at Phil and he tells me everything. Even things I don't want to know, like his time-saving system for washing his legs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Hmm. Tased flesh smells bacon-y.
Veronica: Now I'm hungry.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Veronica: How could he do this? And after I let him use me like a sunset.
Ted: Well, you better take his picture down. Maybe put it in your drawer next to the one of you and Saddam Hussein riding that tandem bike.
Veronica: Yeah. That was before he got weird.
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: Jeffrey Bouchard.
Ted: Another engineer. There's a picture of you two on your office wall.
Veronica: People always want to have their pictures taken with me, Ted. I'm like a sunset.
 • Rating: Unrated

Linda: It--it's just... what if I can't do this. Maybe I'm really not a writer. What if I end up just some product tester working for a soulless company with a half-finished lemur story in her drawer. What a cliche.
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: Children... so adorable. In a way, they're like people.
Ted: Yes, that's why there's a taboo about eating them.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lem: Veronica.
Veronica: Ugh! There are employees everywhere. It's like I'm walking through spiderwebs.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Rose: Pretty sure it was Paul Spielman.
Veronica: Oh, my God. Not Paul Spielman.
Ted: You have no idea who Paul Spielman is.
Veronica: Not even a little.
Ted: He's one of our department's best engineers.
Veronica: And they're just gonna throw him out on the street with no consideration for how weak that's going to make me look.
Ted: Paul might not like it either, you know, 'cause he's got four kids.
Veronica: Fine, I'm insensitive. I can live with that.
 • Rating: Unrated

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