Better Off Ted

Better Off Ted "Win Some, Dose Some" Quotes

Linda: No, I can't be a chicken lady. I have so much I want to do in my life. I want to get married and have children and glue feathers to my back to mess with idiot scientists who are careless with experimental drugs.
Phil: You can still do all those things! Oh, wait
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: I sold more wrapping paper than you.
Veronica: That's not what we were competing over.
Ted: It was one of the things we were competing over.
Veronica: You're so competitive, it's sick.
Ted: Not as sick as you.
Veronica: That's right. I win... again
 • Rating: Unrated

General McMillan: A body like a young Mark Spitz.
Ted: Well, thank you, General. I can't hear that enough. Although, five times is getting pretty close
 • Rating: Unrated

Veronica: I've put Rose so far ahead there's no way anyone can catch her. Although, there's a 3% chance she could end up in jail.
Ted: Fine, you win.
Veronica: I like when that happens, and it happens a lot
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: You stole a baby?
Linda: Only for a few seconds. Turns out, just because you write your name on something doesn't mean you get to keep it.
Ted: Yeah, I think babies have to be notarized
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: But I know I could beat Veronica. At the company picnic, I beat her in a three-legged race. Although we both lost to something Phil and Lem created in the lab
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Linda, you can't hurt a baby.
Lem: Well, you can hurt them. They're not indestructible.
Phil: I meant it's morally indefensible.
Lem: Well, what if the baby killed a man?
Phil: You and your moral puzzles. I just love 'em
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: We'll let Cynthia win. Come on. Mickey will wear her ears.
Rose: Thank you, Daddy. Could I sleep with the lights on tonight?
Ted: It was the ear thing, wasn't it?
Rose: Little bit
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Veronica and I sold so much wrapping paper, not only are you going to Disneyland, but Mickey's gonna be wearing your ears on his head. Oh, wait. That's a horrifying image
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lem: You know how when you accidentally dose someone, like with an experimental energy patch, and you hope they'll sit quietly at their desks, but instead they wander around unnecessarily drawing attention to themselves? We've done something eerily similar to that
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite quote from "Win Some, Dose Some?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!