Californication

Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication
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She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

Tyler

Hey. You know, it's not fair to say BRB and then never actually BRB.

Hank Moody

You can't snort a line of coke off a woman's ass and not wonder about her hopes and dreams, it's not gentlemanly.

Hank Moody

Radio Show Host: What's your latest obsession?
Hank Moody: Just the fact that people seem to be getting dumber and dumber. You know, I mean we have all this amazing technology and yet computers have turned into basically four figure wank machines. The internet was supposed to set us free, democratize us, but all it's really given us is Howard Dean's aborted candidacy and 24 hour a day access to kiddie porn. People... they don't write anymore, they blog. Instead of talking, they text, no punctuation, no grammar: LOL this and LMFAO that. You know, it just seems to me it's just a bunch of stupid people pseudo-communicating with a bunch of other stupid people at a proto-language that resembles more what cavemen used to speak than the King's English.

Marcy Runkle: You can have the ass if you want.
Charlie Runkle: You can keep it.

To quote The Clash, should I stay or should I rock the casbah?

Hank Moody

Hank Moody: 'B' to the 'I' to the double 'L'. What's up, my nig nog?
Bill Lewis: I need to talk to you.
Hank Moody: Well, you should have called. I wouldn't have answered, but you could've left a message, which I would have quickly erased.

She's got a nose ring, too. You know what that means.

Hank Moody

Hank Moody: Oh, look at the time: The big hand says F**k, and the little hand says Off. Good thing there's not a second hand. I'm going in.

I just get so lonely sometimes. I need a hug for a moment and the moment passes. I'm good. Smell you later.

Hank Moody

Try not to forget all the times I brought you to fruition. 33 to be exact.

Hank Moody

I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister.

Hank Moody
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 319 in total

Californication Quotes

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

Tyler

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou