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Britta: Jeff, why are people staring at you?
Jeff: Because they've never seen a man who's had sex before?

Normally, we don't concern ourselves with adultery. Because then hotels wouldn't exist.

Hotel Attendant

For the first time in my long history of being locked inside things, I knew someone would come.

Abed

Abed: You gotta let me out!
Toby: No, not until Stockholm Syndrome sets in.

And I asked myself, what does space smell like?

Convention Speaker

Do they even have to talk? They could just touch tentacles and download.

Britta

Did you know that in ancient Greece, it was considered an honor to invite a person my age to a space convention?

Pierce

Do we want [Abed] to freak out and have to rescue him from some fantasy world where submarines are small enough to enter the bloodstream?

Troy

Calling for help? A classic...call for help.

Britta

Ghosts can't go through doors, stupid. They're not fire!

Pierce

Annie: I lost Abed!
Troy: I told you to never let him out of your sight! That goes double for holidays and wax museums!

Pierce: If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.
Jeff: No one's going to call you, Pierce.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 873 in total

Community Quotes

I'm no sociopath, I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, and getting yelled at. So if you think about it, I'm the sanest person here.

Jeff

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]