Britta: Psychology tells us there are no accidents.
Jeff: What about car accidents, Tara Reid, or the Hindenburg?

This is the Jonestown of dinners.

Annie

You ask one lady if she's Tyler Perry in drag and suddenly you're the bad guy.

Pierce

Pierce: Let's carve that jive turkey.
Shirley: Got that out of your system?

Jeff: I thought I told you to stop reading my emails.
Dean Pelton: Well, I thought I told you to stop keeping secrets!

And that failed ventriloquist was...Slobodan Milosevic.

Professor Cornwallis

No one's even willing to consider that I might be the Hitler of the group?

Pierce

That man saved my life...in a video game.

Abed

Damn them and their perfectly crafted time pieces!

Jeff

I thought this was America, not Arizona.

Jeff

Carl, I see you've grown a new douchebag.

Jeff

Quick impression--waaaa. Who am I? You guys.

Jeff

Community Quotes

Abed: If you were a post-apocalyptic survivor--
Professor Hickey: I would raise goats, hoard cinnamon, and only travel at night. But please--I have some work to do here.

Being a Virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of, you're like a unicorn.

Shirley [to Annie]