What is this compulsion to have people over your house and serve them food and talk to them? What a strange thing

Larry

Cheryl: I guess Julia will have to come back over. You'll just have to arrange another meeting.
Larry: Are you out of your mind now?

If you're gonna be a maniac, pyro's not a good maniac

Jeff

Larry: And who knows, you know what? Maybe I'll be able to need a lawyer someday.
Cheryl: Anything could happen.
Larry: A lot of people sue me

Phyliss: I'm finally in the house that Jerry Seinfeld built!
Larry: With his own hands, and some hammers, he actually worked on it, like Jimmy Carter

Larry [on Jerry Seinfeld]: He's a eunuch. Yes, his testicles were cut of when he was about 13 because he was in the Beth Shalom choir. And that's what he wanted to be, he was a choirboy.
Phyliss: Julia, is that true? Does he really have no testicles?
Julia: You know, I've got to tell you, I don't have any fuckin' idea

Larry: What's the guy, four years old? He's got to meet Julia Louis-Dreyfus! What kind of person is that?!
Cheryl: He's a fan.
Larry: What does he expect to gain from such meeting? What does he think, he's gonna go over there, she's gonna be so charmed by him that all of a sudden they'll start becoming friends? They'll talk on the phone and go out to dinner together, go to the movies? What, start e-mailing each others' summer vacations? Is he out of his fucking mind!?

Why are you listening to me? I don't know what I'm talking about

Larry

Male Parking Attendant: "The bald guy with the glasses." That's you?
Larry: Unfortunately, that's me

Doctor: What's this?
Larry: A splint. My wife made it.
Doctor: A plastic knife? Were you at a picnic when you injured yourself?

Richard: How can you not help a blind man?
Larry: How can you say "blind man" in front of a blind man?

[Women] can't just have sex with any man, they have to really love the man to get involved with their--with their penis, with their grotesque--with their grotesque penis

Larry
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 56 in total

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1 Quotes

Cheryl: Why am I always the one who initiates sex?
Larry: I'm available for sex all the time, basically, so anytime you want to have it, you can have it.
Cheryl: Wow.
Larry: But anytime I want to have it, I can't--just assume that I want it all the time, so whenever you want it, just tap me on the shoulder

Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?

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