Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1 Quotes
Lucy: Here's to The Vagina Monologues.
Jeff: Hey, here's to the vagina
Larry: My name is Todd, and I'm an incest survivor.
Group: Hello.
Larry: I had sex with my uncle when I was 12. He lived in Great Neck, he was a doctor. An osteopath, I dont even know what they do, but I know they're doctors. Something to do with muscles I think, neither here nor there.
Wendy: I want to make one thing very clear. You cannot mention one word of what you know.
Larry: Don't worry. I would never betray you.
Wendy: Thank you.
Larry: You're welcome.
[scene switches to Cheryl and him...]
Larry: She had sex with her grandfather! Then she had sex with her uncles..
You know I've never actually seen the vagina with my glasses on. I don't really have any idea of what it looks like. It's all a hazy mystery to me
Larry
Cheryl: Why am I always the one who initiates sex?
Larry: I'm available for sex all the time, basically, so anytime you want to have it, you can have it.
Cheryl: Wow.
Larry: But anytime I want to have it, I can't--just assume that I want it all the time, so whenever you want it, just tap me on the shoulder
Larry: I can't wait to call my parents. They are gonna be so proud of me! When I tell my father I figured out out that navigation system, he's gonna flip his wig! And he's got one too!
Cheryl: Can we turn on the radio?
Larry: Oh, he's gonna be very proud of Larry figuring out the navigation system!
Cheryl: Please.
Larry: "Daddy, I'm not so stupid!"
Larry: Why don't we just call your doctor?
Cheryl: You can't call my doctor on the weekends, unless it's a life threatening emergency.
Larry: What?
Cheryl: Yeah, if you call his machine, it'll tell you you can't page him.
Larry: You called up and that's what it said?
Cheryl: Yeah.
Larry: That is obscene, you know that? [imitating the doctor] "Can't disturb the doctor on the weekend! Don't call the Dr. Zeppler on the weekend unless it's life-threatening!"
Cheryl: Okay, okay.
Larry: [imitates the doctor's wife] "Norman, is someone calling? Who's calling? We're in the middle of dinner, Norman!"
Cheryl: Larry..
Larry: "This better be life-threatening or you're not gonna leave this house!"
Cheryl: Larry, please. I'm begging you.
Larry: "Norman! Unless they were burned in a fire I don't want you getting up from your chair. Do you understand, Norman?"
I tend to say stupid things to black people sometimes
Larry
You sounded like, like, christ, Pat Buchanan's gym partner
Richard [about Larry's tasteless joke]
Richard: He's my dermatologist.
Larry: Really?
Richard: For 15 years now.
Larry: Even with the whole affirmative-action thing?
[My mom] said, "Larry felt my bosom, and held it there for several seconds"
Jeff
Larry: Your mother thinks I touched her breast? That is so sick!
Jeff: It's what she thinks. What can I say? Sweet dreams.
Larry: "Sweet dreams". I'll dream about fucking your mother. "Sweet dreams".