Curb Your Enthusiasm

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 10: "The Group"

Lucy: Here's to The Vagina Monologues.
Jeff: Hey, here's to the vagina
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Larry: My name is Todd, and I'm an incest survivor.
Group: Hello.
Larry: I had sex with my uncle when I was 12. He lived in Great Neck, he was a doctor. An osteopath, I dont even know what they do, but I know they're doctors. Something to do with muscles I think, neither here nor there.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Wendy: I want to make one thing very clear. You cannot mention one word of what you know.
Larry: Don't worry. I would never betray you.
Wendy: Thank you.
Larry: You're welcome.
[scene switches to Cheryl and him...]
Larry: She had sex with her grandfather! Then she had sex with her uncles..
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Larry: You know I've never actually seen the vagina with my glasses on. I don't really have any idea of what it looks like. It's all a hazy mystery to me
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cheryl: Why am I always the one who initiates sex?
Larry: I'm available for sex all the time, basically, so anytime you want to have it, you can have it.
Cheryl: Wow.
Larry: But anytime I want to have it, I can't--just assume that I want it all the time, so whenever you want it, just tap me on the shoulder
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 9: "Affirmative Action"

Larry: I can't wait to call my parents. They are gonna be so proud of me! When I tell my father I figured out out that navigation system, he's gonna flip his wig! And he's got one too!
Cheryl: Can we turn on the radio?
Larry: Oh, he's gonna be very proud of Larry figuring out the navigation system!
Cheryl: Please.
Larry: "Daddy, I'm not so stupid!"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Larry: Why don't we just call your doctor?
Cheryl: You can't call my doctor on the weekends, unless it's a life threatening emergency.
Larry: What?
Cheryl: Yeah, if you call his machine, it'll tell you you can't page him.
Larry: You called up and that's what it said?
Cheryl: Yeah.
Larry: That is obscene, you know that? [imitating the doctor] "Can't disturb the doctor on the weekend! Don't call the Dr. Zeppler on the weekend unless it's life-threatening!"
Cheryl: Okay, okay.
Larry: [imitates the doctor's wife] "Norman, is someone calling? Who's calling? We're in the middle of dinner, Norman!"
Cheryl: Larry..
Larry: "This better be life-threatening or you're not gonna leave this house!"
Cheryl: Larry, please. I'm begging you.
Larry: "Norman! Unless they were burned in a fire I don't want you getting up from your chair. Do you understand, Norman?"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Larry: I tend to say stupid things to black people sometimes
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Richard [about Larry's tasteless joke]: You sounded like, like, christ, Pat Buchanan's gym partner
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Richard: He's my dermatologist.
Larry: Really?
Richard: For 15 years now.
Larry: Even with the whole affirmative-action thing?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 8: "Beloved Aunt"

Jeff: [My mom] said, "Larry felt my bosom, and held it there for several seconds"
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Your mother thinks I touched her breast? That is so sick!
Jeff: It's what she thinks. What can I say? Sweet dreams.
Larry: "Sweet dreams". I'll dream about f**king your mother. "Sweet dreams".
 • Rating: Unrated

Craig: How long were you and Cheryl dating before you got married?
Larry: Not that long, really. We were friends for a while, and after we had intercourse we got married very quickly
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Nobody likes to fly. I don't even like to drive. And I don't like walking
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeff: Do you know what 'Indian giving' is?
Larry: Yes, I know what it's called. It's a very racist term, but I'm okay with it
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: I need a letter of apology from your friend.
Jeff: Retraction, retraction!
Larry: Retraction? What are they going to say? "We're sorry we called her a c**t, we meant 'aunt.'"
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeff: How did she die?
Larry: Killed herself.
Jeff: No, she didn't!
Larry: Killed herself!
Jeff: Why?
Larry: Why? Nobody knows, she didn't leave a note. That is so rude, isn't that?
Jeff: That is really rude
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 7: "AAMCO"

Caterer [regarding the leftovers]: Uhm, I'm really not sure that everything survived the trip here, so..
Larry: "Survived the trip here"? Where did you come from? The Sudan
 • Rating: Unrated

Cheryl [referring to the caterer who stole their food]: You know, this is very unprofessional if you ask me.
Larry: It's completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Julie: [referring to Larry's movie "Sour Grapes"] I enjoyed it. It was interesting. It was such a perfect length.
Larry: That's my specialty, length.
Julie: Well, I thought it was a good length
Larry: The width, what about the width? There's some good width in that movie.
 • Rating: Unrated

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