Curb Your Enthusiasm

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season 2 Quotes

Season 2 Episode 10: "The Massage"

Jeff: Why didn't you say hello to him? You know him.
Larry: I know. He wanted to do a stop-and-chat. I didn't want to do a stop-and-chat.
Jeff: "Stop-and-chat?" Where do you come up with these things?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 9: "The Baptism"

Larry: Do you think we really needed Alaska and Hawaii? They gotta ruin everything. They ruined the continental United States. Ruined it! We have a beautiful Pacific coast, Atlantic coast, that's the continental United States. You don't need more states. We're not the British Empire. Are they trying to turn us into the British Empire? And what is Puerto Rico anyway?
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Grape works as a soda. Sort of as a gum. I wonder why it doesn't work as a pie. Grape pie? There's no grape pie
 • Rating: Unrated

Becky: You didn't want to lose a Jew and you know it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Are we settled down, you think? I mean, what do you have to be to be settled down? We have a house and chairs
 • Rating: Unrated

Cheryl: Why would somebody steal tickets to Monterey?
Larry: Why not? Monterey's a very beautiful place.
Cheryl: Was anything else stolen? Was anything else gone?
Larry: I don't know. I wasn't paying attention.
Cheryl: You know, all our information is on there: our address, our telephone number, ...
Larry: It doesn't matter. He's not going to break into our house. He's going to Monterey
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 8: "Shaq"

Larry: Nobody wants to have, apparently, anything to do with me because of Shaquille O'Neal.
Cheryl: That's kind of sad.
Larry: Sad? What are you, crazy?
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry [at Starbucks]: I'll have a vanilla... one of those "vanilla bulls**t things." You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bulls**t latte cappa thing. Whatever you got
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 7: "The Doll"

Larry: Jesus Christ! My penis is itching!
Jeff: You know what? You put that doll head down there and who knows what that hair is made out of. You've got a allergic reaction, I'm telling you.
Larry: Yeah, I think I got some kinda rash. I gotta check out my penis, I have to go to the doctor now? That's going to be a lot of fun; "Where'd you get the rash?"
"Oh, I stuck a doll's head down my pants, Doctor. It feels good to me!"
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeff: So, tomorrow night, you guys wanna go to dinner before part two?
Cheryl: Uhmm..
Larry: No.
Cheryl: Well, I do wanna go to part two.
Larry: No.
Jeff: You gotta go to part two! You're a part of the ABC Family!
Cheryl: Yeah, we're definitely going to part two.
Larry: Yeah, but we're not going to dinner with you though.
Cheryl: We've already made plans.
Larry: We don't have any plans, we just don't wanna go to dinner with you
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Do you work here?
Amy: No.
Larry: How come you told me to, to get rid of the water then?
Amy: I saw you coming in with water, there's no water, it's the rules.
Larry: I don't understand how it's your concern, you don't work here.
Amy: It's the rules!
Larry: Rules?
Amy: The sign says no food or drink in the theater, I'm sure we would all like to have water.
Larry: Oh yeah, we're all dying of thirst. What are you the hallway monitor here?
Amy: Who are you that the rules don't apply?
Larry: I'm applying the golden rule, are you?
Amy: I don't think the golden rule applies here.
Larry: If you had water would you want me to tell you not to bring it in? I don't think so!
Amy: How about common courtesy, bud?
Larry: Oh?
Amy: A little common courtesy.
Larry: That doesn't supersede the golden rule! That's the big one
 • Rating: Unrated

Tara: Mommy, Mommy, that bald man's in the bathroom, and there's something hard in his pants!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Larry: Have you heard of Switzerland? It's a country in Europe and they don't like to fight. They let everybody do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cheryl: There's no lock on that bathroom door.
Larry: I know.
Cheryl: That's crazy!
Larry: I know... it's insane!
 • Rating: Unrated

Susie: Stop scratching your balls and tell me where it is! Alright, just get me the f**king head, alright?! Get me the f**king head, alright!? Both of you, I've had it! You four-eyed f**k and you fat piece of s**t, get me the head!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 6: "The Acupuncturist"

Larry: I don't know why you call him an asshole. He's not an asshole, he's just shy.
Cheryl: No, he's not shy. He thinks he's smarter than ever everbody else and he sits there and he judges and he-
Larry: No, he doesn't, he's just shy! You got shy/asshole confusion, my friend.
Cheryl: No, I don't think so.
Larry: Yes, I think so my friend.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Larry [on his diatribe against Casual Fridays]: I'm telling you, soon it's going to be Casual Monday. Five to ten years—that's the direction we're heading. It's gonna be a sad state of affairs
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: I'm a man of honor.
Acupuncturist: It's a family tradition, honor.
Larry: Well, it's not in my family, but I'm trying to break the mold
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 5: "The Thong"

John: Thank you for your time and for donating the lunch. We really appreciate it.
Larry: Please, whatever you need. I'll donate anything you want. I'll donate it all. My time, my organs. What do you want? You want a kidney? I'll give you a kidney. What else do you need? I've got a terrific penis. I could donate a penis. I've got a good spleen. Excellent spleen. [starts singing] "Mr. Spleen gets rid of dirt and grime, and grease in just a minute. Mr. Spleen will clean your whole house and everything that's in it, Mr. Spleen."
 • Rating: Unrated

Larry: Big family?
John: Yeah. Five brothers and sisters, you know, Irish.
Larry: You ever catch your parents having sex?
John: No..
Larry: Me either
 • Rating: Unrated

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