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Susan: I've never stopped caring about you.
Mike: Then why did you jump in bed with Karl?
Susan: I would have never even gone there if I thought there was a chance with us. You just closed the door so completely, I- Can we just not talk about him? Have some more pie. (She feeds him) I know you like pie. I know you like me.

(At Mike's place after Oliver has played the tape of Karl and Susan talking)
Susan: Okay, ahm, first of all it was not the best sex I ever had. I just said that to make him feel better. Obviously, you are the best sex I ever had.
Oliver: That explains the punch in the face.
Mike: I'm gonna hit you again if you don't shut up.
Susan: I know that this looks bad-
Mike: You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back.
Susan: No, no, no. No, Karl lied to me. He told me that he and Edie had split up before-
Mike: You know what? I don't even care.

(After Mike punches Olivr for insulting Susan) Yes, Oliver Weston had become a cynic, which is why he couldn't recognize a man who was still in love.

Mary Alice

(narrating) When the truth is ugly, people try to keep it hidden, because they know if revealed the damage it will do, so they conceal it within sturdy walls, or they place it behind closed doors, or they obscure it with clever disguises, the truth no matter how ugly always emerges, and someone we care about always ends up getting hurt, and someone else will revel in their pain, and that's the ugliest truth of all.

Mary Alice

Andrew: You're going to leave me here, out in the middle of nowhere?
Bree: I saw a bus stop about a mile back. You can go anywhere you want.
Andrew: Momma... Mom, please don't do this.
Bree: I have to. I can't be around you anymore, I'm just not strong enough.
Andrew: You know what the good news is? I win. (he starts to cry) I remember the look in your eyes when I told you I was gay, I knew that one day you would stop loving me. So. Here we are. I was right. I win.
Bree: Well, good for you.

Tom: I have got the Boston Toy presentation ready to go.
Ed: Actually, I don't have time for a full pitch, so just give me the gist.
Tom: Excuse me?
Ed: You know, boil it down. Give me one line.
Tom: Okay, basically, it's "toys are fun".
Ed: Hate it.
Tom: How can you hate it? I only gave you three words.
Ed: It's three words I hate.

Gabrielle: Okay, uh, well. Oh, okay, it's like this. The three of us are making your famous szechuan dumpings. And I'm the dough and Carlos is the pork and you're the oven!
Xiao-Mei: I have baby?
Carlos:Okay, we take care of everything. You know uh, hospital bills and maternity clothes and Lamaze classes. And of course, you wouldn't have to do any work!
Gabrielle: Well, uh, maybe just a little light dusting, nothing major.
Xiao-Mei: No!
Gabrielle: Xiao-Mei, you don't have a choice. It's either this or go back to China.
Xiao-Mei: No to baby! No!
Carlos: You had to push the dusting, didn't you?

Xiao-Mei: I can't go home. My uncle will sell me again.
Gabrielle: Oh no, no Xiao-Mei, you're not going anywhere. You're much too important to Carlos and me. We're gonna fight this and we're gonna win!
Bree: Gaby, you can't promise her that!
Gabrielle: Bree, you heard what she said. I can't let this poor kid go back to China and become someone's slave!
Xiao-Mei: Thank you.
Gabrielle: All right, look my friends want to take some of this to go, so pack it up and we're a little low on coffee.

Susan: Oh! Darn it. Guess we'll have to take a rain check, huh?
Gus: I can come back on Tuesday.
Susan: Tu-Tuesday? No, no, Tuesday's not good, 'cause Tuesday's the day I, um, become a lesbian.

Carlos: I still can't believe it. I mean, why would Xiao-Mei just offer herself up to me like that?
Gabrielle: Well, honey, she's a virgin. Who knows why virgins do anything?
Carlos: She's a virgin? Are you serious?
Gabrielle: Yeah. I wouldn't just slam her for no reason.

Bree: Honey, you've got to eat something.
Gabrielle: Don't have an appetite. In fact, this is all going to go to waste. You guys should take something.
Lynette: No, no, you should keep it.
Edie: I'll take a couple. (All the ladies stare at her) What? Karl dumped me, so I'm alone. Food fills the void.

Susan: You're always worried about Julie and me and you beat up my new boyfriend. And now you're protecting me from Edie. Do you know what all that means?
Mike: That you're high maintenance?

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 18 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Episode 21 Quotes

(At Mike's place after Oliver has played the tape of Karl and Susan talking)
Susan: Okay, ahm, first of all it was not the best sex I ever had. I just said that to make him feel better. Obviously, you are the best sex I ever had.
Oliver: That explains the punch in the face.
Mike: I'm gonna hit you again if you don't shut up.
Susan: I know that this looks bad-
Mike: You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back.
Susan: No, no, no. No, Karl lied to me. He told me that he and Edie had split up before-
Mike: You know what? I don't even care.

Susan: I've never stopped caring about you.
Mike: Then why did you jump in bed with Karl?
Susan: I would have never even gone there if I thought there was a chance with us. You just closed the door so completely, I- Can we just not talk about him? Have some more pie. (She feeds him) I know you like pie. I know you like me.