Susan: I'm thinking a chocolate fountain would be a cool centerpiece to a dessert buffet.
Mike: Dessert buffet? We're having a wedding cake, right? Isn't that a dessert?
Susan: Yeah, but you have to give people a choice. Don't you think a chocolate fountain would be elegant?
Mike: I don't know, you, a big, white dress, melted chocolate? Am I the only one hearing alarm bells?

I am not leaving that woman in charge of our children. In three months the twins will be chain-smoking and Penny will be an alcoholic.


I'm not Ian. I can't afford to move you into a mansion, or fly you off to Paris. But I'll be damned if I don't give you the same dream wedding he would've given you.


(narrating) Family. There is nothing more important. They're the ones who show up when we are in trouble. The ones who push us to succeed. The ones who help keep our secrets. But what of those who have no family to rely on? What happens to those poor souls who have no loved ones to help them in their hour of need? Well, most learn to walk life's road by themselves. But a sad few of us, simply stop trying.

Mary Alice

I have memorized the whole catalog of subjects you and I can no longer discuss, and if that means that we have to talk about the weather for three months, then fine. But I... am staying.


Susan: I just got a lipstick yesterday. You could wear that!
Gabrielle: I just paid a make-up artist five hundred bucks to do my face, do you really think I wanna march down the aisle looking like I just ate a popsicle?!

(Gabrielle asks Carlos to come to her wedding).
Carlos: I can't go.
Gabrielle: Why not?
Carlos: I'm a jinx. I wen't to your last wedding and look how that turned out. (Gabrielle gives him a look.) C'mon Gaby, we both know it'd be weird if I went.
Gabrielle: Okay, maybe a little, but it'll be weirder if you don't.
Carlos: Excuse me?
Gabrielle: Look, everyone knows you're living with Edie, if she shows up alone people will think I asked her not to bring you like it bugs me that you guys are together.
Carlos: But it does bug you, you hit the roof when you found out.
Gabrielle: (now yelling at him) Which is why I have to show people that I'm Okay with it! (calms herself) Please, just, consider it my wedding gift.
Carlos: Okay.. But I'm skipping the ceremony.
Gabrielle: What? And just go to the reception? You can't do that.
Carlos: Well I don't wanna make a scene. You'll vow "Til death do us part" I'll bust out laughing, people will stare...
Gabrielle: Reception starts at four.

My idea of the perfect wedding keeps changing. One day I want white roses and then I want lillies .. only one thing stays constant - And I'm looking at him. Why would I need anything else to make my wedding perfect?


Parker: These are baby toys. We're too old to play with these.
Stella: Well, I'm too old to remember what the hell six-year-olds like to play with!

(to Lynette) Where the hell do you get off having cancer and not telling me about it?!


Susan: You name one thing that you think is going over the top.
Mike: The dove wrangler...
Susan: Well the doves aren't going to release themselves!

Minister: Are we ready?
Julie: (about Susan and Mike) Are you kidding? They've been dragging this thing out for three years!

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

Susan: Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day.
Ian: The other day? You saw Mike?
Susan: Yeah, just to tell him about the lawyer. (turning to Bree) I know that Mike is innocent.
Bree: Right, just like you knew Alma was dead.
Ian: I thought we had an agreement.
Susan: We do. Can we talk about this later?
Susan: When? After your next conjugal visit?
Bree: (to Susan) Boy, when it comes to Mike there's no one you won't betray.

Parker: You went to the store and you got shot, and auntie Nora died.
Lynette: I'm only gonna be in there for ten minutes, I promise.
Parker: Can't she go? (pointing at Mrs. McCluskey)