Hey, those are your friends out there Lynette. The solid citizens of Fairview. Tell me again why you think they're better than a bunch of ex-cons.

Paul

I must say, I don't know how you got your neighbors to agree to a halfway house on their street. But they must think a lot of you.

Mayor [to Paul]

Bree: It's six o'clock. How long have you been kneeling there?
Keith: I don't know, but after you answer this, I'm gonna need you to help me up.

Renee: And that is how you get out of paying for a taxi!
Susan: Well, we weren't in a taxi - we were in my car. But now I know why you showed me your boobs.

I haven't celebrated my birthday since the third time I turned 28!

Renee

Lynette: Tom's packing! We're talking big—circus big! So big that he can drive in the carpool lane when he's alone! If it falls in the forest, believe me: It makes a sound. The Washington Monument looks at it and says, 'I want to be you when I grow up!'

How come you never told us you were sleeping with Tommy Tripod?

Susan [to Lynette]

People used to say I'm a beautiful woman, now they say I'm a beautiful woman for my age.

Renee

Keith's mother: I promise to be on my best behavior.
Bree: I know you will. Because, as Keith told you, I have guns.

He's not going to give up these chimichangas, for a plate of frank and beans.

Gaby [on Carlos]

Gaby [to Lee]: Use the back door.
Lee: I always do.

Just for the record, I love football. The Stooges are damn funny. And I've never asked a man to stop.

Mrs. McCluskey

Desperate Housewives Season 7 Quotes

Bree: I'm not sure these clothes are quite the thing for a dinner party.
Renee: Dinner? I wouldn't wear them to a drive-by shooting.

If you field this one, I'll tell him where babies come from.

Mike