If I were a pizza you would be my cheese.


You've confused me with your musky man smell and made me want to throw you down and eat you like a crumpet and I don't even know what a crumpet is.


Please like you've ever tapped anything but yourself lover boy.


(tied up and kidnapped) So this is where you've been staying - huh? I saw a Pottery Barn catalog that has the same similiar feel...


Penny: See I told you not to trust those crazy bitches!
(Joanna gives her a mean stare)
Penny: What?! Too soon?

Kat: There is a code, Will. Chicks before sticks.
Will: I thought it was Bros before hoes?

(to Darryl) It's like you've stepped out of a 70's porno and into my life.


This is not a bucket list. This is a suck-it list.


Josh: (Josh has lipstick on his face as he introduces himself to Roxie inside a jail cell)I wish we were meeting under better circumstances. I've been trying to get Chad to have you over for dinner.
Roxie: (to Chad) Younger brother?
Josh: And a friend of Mia's.
Roxie: Yeah, I can see her friendship smeared all over your face.

Joanna: Penny, we're in a crisis. I've got my back against the wall. There's only one thing to do.
Penny: What's that?
Joanna: We need to party.

(to Roxie) Hey, I thought we could go to your place for slunch, which is my new word for sex plus lunch.


Roxie: Excuse me, young lady?!
Mia: You are not allowed to 'young lady' me. For fifteen years, you've been trying to be my pal. You can't just turn around and be my mom.
Roxie: I will 'young lady' you all I want, young lady! And believe me, I am your mom. I have the stretch marks to prove it.

Eastwick Quotes

(voiceover) Sometimes, those with the most powerful abilities are hiding in the most unlikely places.


Chicken hands, you gonna stare at my boobs all day or you gonna buy something?