Eastwick

Eastwick Quotes (Page 2)

Season 1 Episode 5: "Mooning and Crooning"

Josh: (Josh has lipstick on his face as he introduces himself to Roxie inside a jail cell)I wish we were meeting under better circumstances. I've been trying to get Chad to have you over for dinner.
Roxie: (to Chad) Younger brother?
Josh: And a friend of Mia's.
Roxie: Yeah, I can see her friendship smeared all over your face.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joanna: Penny, we're in a crisis. I've got my back against the wall. There's only one thing to do.
Penny: What's that?
Joanna: We need to party.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chad: (to Roxie) Hey, I thought we could go to your place for slunch, which is my new word for sex plus lunch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Roxie: Excuse me, young lady?!
Mia: You are not allowed to 'young lady' me. For fifteen years, you've been trying to be my pal. You can't just turn around and be my mom.
Roxie: I will 'young lady' you all I want, young lady! And believe me, I am your mom. I have the stretch marks to prove it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Will: You're a good friend.
Kat: And you're acting like a moron! Smarten up and be nice to Joanna.
 • Rating: Unrated

Darryl: This is what I'm talking about. Sharing our feelings, food fights, tickle fights. I just love celebrating with you ladies!
Roxie: Tickle fights?
Darryl: Drink some more wine.
 • Rating: Unrated

Darryl: Would you like some of my duck in your mouth?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Darryl: Here's to liquid courage!
 • Rating: Unrated

Darryl: The inner animals of our citizenry will be released.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kat: Nobody puts Joanna in a corner.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Darryl: That's one of the really... perplexing things about life, isn't it? Any true pleasure comes with a price. We drink too much, we wake up hung over. We eat too much, we pack on the pounds. You enjoy one moment of lust, and you live a lifetime of guilt. Yeah, what feels good comes with a cost. At the end of the day, it's just a matter of figuring out how much you are willing to pay.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 4: "Fleas and Casserole"

Penny: It's like the hokey pokey - emphasis on the pokey.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Roxie measuring Darryl for the sculpture)
Darryl: Oh, I think you are going to need a larger tape.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Penny's response when Joanna asks if her boobs are weird)
Penny: No, they're boob-iful.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joanna: (runs after Morgan) Oh, and by the way, you also have terrible bacne, a mild case of halitosis, and miniscule man-berries.
Morgan: I happen to be an avid cyclist!
Joanna: Teeny-tiny testes. We're talking smurf-sized!
 • Rating: Unrated

Morgan: It would be wrong to get married with someone when I'm sleeping with someone else. I may be a lot of things, but I don't cheat...except with my soulmate, obviously.

Penny: Awww, he's got boundaries.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ivanka: Your dress is perfect.
Kat: Oh, really?
Ivanka: So dowdy. Almost like a tortured pilgrim growing that hair all dry and desperate for highlights. I love it. You're the perfect victim.
 • Rating: Unrated

Penny: (to Joanna) I'm buying you a muzzle.
 • Rating: Unrated

Joanna: (talking about her ex-fiance Morgan) Penny, that man took six years of my life! I thought we were soulmates and then he pooped on my heart.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kat: I want that man to feel pain!
Darryl: I must admit it is thrilling to watch you finally getting angry, Kat. And I love cooking up revenge strategies, but... there is a certain breed of people who plays this game better than others.
Kat: Mafia?
 • Rating: Unrated

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