We really are living in a golden age for perverts.

Joan

So, you'll break her nose, put her in the ER, but you draw the line at murder?

Marcus Bell

Do me a favor -- don't be too careful when you arrest them. Person who did this belongs down here.

Eugene

Well, I've always found the best way to come at a haystack is with a pitchfork.

Sherlock

Oh, and if you have any lingering doubts, here's how you can be certain I'm not the one who tried to kill you -- you're alive!

Sherlock

Sherlock: I know, Father.
Morland: Know what?
Sherlock: Why you never mentioned your brush with death. Why you never asked me, the finest detective you know, for assistance. You believe that I'm the man who tried to kill you.

Joan: Were you two in a fight, or were you having sex?
Sherlock: The two aren't mutually exclusive...

Joan: A woman did this to you.
Sherlock: ...a highly-trained woman.

Well, you're lying, so I'll just have to investigate the matter myself.

Sherlock

I could have sworn I had that statue removed!

Morland [regarding Sherlock]

Bell: Is *anything* this kid's doing legal?
Sherlock: Define 'legal.'

You think the State of New York took out a hit on a Russian oligarch?!

Bell

Elementary Quotes

Holmes: Why do you suppose you hate your job so much?
Watson: I don't hate my job.
Holmes: You have two alarm clocks. No one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks mean it's a chore for you to get up in the morning.

Watson: How do you do it, guess things?
Sherlock: I observe and then I deduce.
Watson: How did you know I was a doctor, you said you could tell from my hands.
Sherlock: Hand, singular. It was soft no calluses.
Watson: How did you know my father had an affair?
Sherlock: Google. Not everything is deducible.