Sherlock: It's quite an audience today. If it wasn't for the lack of paparazzi, I'd assume that a reality TV star got vivisected.
Gregson: Three Chinese gangsters got shotgunned.
Sherlock: So, less fun.

Joan: I'm sorry I accused you of arson.
Sherlock: Well, I was the obvious suspect.

So, your alibi is that you were oiling your chainsaw.

Joan

Griffin, you seem like an exemplary young man, so perhaps you'd like to explain to me why you have a drug lab in your backyard?

Sherlock

Oh, if you say it's for the greater good, I am going to punch you!

Joan

Joan: ...I forgot about the roosters...
Trent Garby: I did, too. Eventually. By moving out.

Perhaps we should encourage our local muggers to increase their activity.

Sherlock [on annoying short-term renters next door]

The man we saw shoot Ryan Dunning... was Ryan Dunning.

Sherlock

You're finally making up for that childhood you never had... as a three-year-old girl.

Joan

[about a violent biker gang] Well, they spared no expense embracing the cliches, haven't they?

Sherlock

You want to steal something from a heavily-armed, meth-dealing band of bike-riding Satanists.

Sherlock

Neil Dannon: Look, Toby is not some loner creep, no matter how hard you try to paint him like one.
Sherlock [pulls out a box full of mutilated photos]: You were saying?

Elementary Quotes

Holmes: Why do you suppose you hate your job so much?
Watson: I don't hate my job.
Holmes: You have two alarm clocks. No one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks mean it's a chore for you to get up in the morning.

Watson: How do you do it, guess things?
Sherlock: I observe and then I deduce.
Watson: How did you know I was a doctor, you said you could tell from my hands.
Sherlock: Hand, singular. It was soft no calluses.
Watson: How did you know my father had an affair?
Sherlock: Google. Not everything is deducible.