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Lois: Glen, we're so thrilled for you.
Brian: Yeah. Guess it didn't take much for you to get your job back, now that you're a hero.
Peter: And I'm so happy, I don't mind that I was raped in a federal prison after being arrested for hijacking!
- Permalink: Glen, we're so thrilled for you. Yeah. Guess it didn't take mu...
(Peter spits tobacco on the floor)
Brian: Peter, that's disgusting. Here, spit in this cup instead.
(Peter spits in cup and puts it on the arm of the couch)
Stewie: Oh, there's my apple juice.
Brian: Stewie, wait don't-
(Flashback to Stewie beating Brian)
Stewie: Where's my money? You gonna give me my money?
Brian: Oh, nevermind.
(Stewie drinks from the cup and starts yelling)
- Permalink: Peter, that's disgusting. Here, spit in this cup instead. Oh...
Lois: Chris, what happening to the couch?
Chris: Dad dragged it out on the lawn because he said "that's what rednecks do!"
- Permalink: Chris, what happening to the couch? Dad dragged it out on the ...
Stink Fleaman: You know you're a redneck if you come from a rural area and behave as such.
Mike Drunkbeater: Ohhh! That dog of mine!
Walt "Coffee & Pie" Abernathy: Woohoohoohoohoo!
Larry, The Guy Who Works For The Department Of Water And Power: You tell me how that got in there. WOOOOOOO!
- Permalink: You know you're a redneck if you come from a rural area and beha...
Stewie: This is going to be worse than that time I lived with Marlee Matlin.
(Flashback to Stewie in Marlee Matlin's home)
Marlee Matlin: (Farts continuously) Hey Stewie.
Stewie: Aw come on, Marlee, I know you can't hear them, but you've got to feel those things slapping out of there.
- Permalink: This is going to be worse than that time I lived with Marlee Mat...
Tom Tucker: Some new developments on the Flight 209 trauma. Recently discharged pilot Captain Glenn Quagmire is apparently talking the plane down. Ollie Williams has the story. Ollie?
Ollie Williams: I'm at the wrong airport!
Tom Tucker: Whoops, well thanks Ollie. Coming up, why calling every Asian man you meet Chung King can land an anchorman in hot water.
- Permalink: Some new developments on the Flight 209 trauma. Recently dischar...
Tom Tucker: Channel 5 has this exclusive recording of a mayday communication from the cockpit.
Peter: (From recording) Uh, hello, ground people? Uh, we, we got a little problem up here. Uh, we need some help or we're gonna crash... So, uh, that being the case, um... is it cool if I shut off "Last Holiday?" It seems unfair that the last thing these people might see is a mediocre comedy featuring Queen Latifah on skis. (Laughing) Cleveland look, she just fell over! She can't stand up on those things.
- Permalink: Channel 5 has this exclusive recording of a mayday communication...
Airport Clerk: Aw, that was great.
Quagmire: Thanks. I know you have a choice in airport sex and I appreciate you choosing Quagmire. Please exercise caution when standing up as the contents of your panties may have shifted during coitus. Oh right! I got a plane to catch. Say, which gate is Flight 209?
Airport Clerk: 209? That flight left half and hour ago.
Quagmire: Oh my God! Oh my God! That plane's going down! My friends are on that plane! They're all going to die!
Airport Clerk: What? Oh no!
Quagmire: And that's not the worst part. Here's the condom I said I put on.
Airport Clerk: (gasp)
Quagmire: Hahaha, aren't I just the worst?
- Permalink: Aw, that was great. Thanks. I know you have a choice in airpor...
Ma'am, I hate to be a nuisance but your son stopped kicking the back of my chair. (Kid starts kicking the back of the chair.) Thank you.Herbert
- Permalink: Ma'am, I hate to be a nuisance but your son stopped kicking the ...
Cleveland: So how's the job hunt going?
Peter: It's awful Cleveland, Quagmire blew every gig we got him.
Quagmire: It's too bad, I really liked that job working on the Starship Enterprise. (Flashback to Quagmire on Starship Enterprise. He walks to Captain Kirk and whispers.) Dude, you got to introduce me to that black chick.
- Permalink: So how's the job hunt going? It's awful Cleveland, Quagmire b...
Peter: Besides, Quagmire don't even have a job.
Lois: Well you're going to have to help him find one because I'd have enough of him living in this house.
Peter: Eh, you're overreacting Lois and you can't spell overreacting without ovary... 'cause you're a girl.
- Permalink: Besides, Quagmire don't even have a job. Well you're going to ...
(whispers) Didn't mean to wake ya. (Quagmire's foot slowly leaves.)</i> Quagmire
- Permalink: Didn't mean to wake ya.