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Family-guy

Death: You members of the human race have the power to send a man to the moon and make Justin Long a movie star.
Peter: We did it with Justin Long didn't we? America said no but we kept at it!

You know what? I was so drunk, my ghost is drunk.

Please be Rosie O'Donnell! Wait... is it?

Death

Brian: Uh no... uh I'm going to meet Jenny's cats.
Peter: What are you talking about? You hate cats.
Brian (gritting his teeth): I'm... going... to... meet... her cats...

Alcoholics... transform!

She slams us against the monkey bars but none of us have the language skills to call her on it.

Stewie

I see you have something new going on this week but there's a new teacher in pre-school who deactivates the camera and hits us.

Stewie
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