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Family-guy

Lois: I guarantee you a man made that commercial.
Peter: Of course a man made it. It's a commercial Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner

Why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talkin' to 'em

Ok, ok. I've got it, I've got it. If you cooked any more slowly, you wouldn't need an egg timer. You'd need an egg calendar. Ah ha ha ha. Oh, that's right. I went there

Stewie

Okay, okay, how many dirty stinkin' apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One dirty stinkin' ape to screw in the light bulb, and two dirty stinkin' apes to throw feces at each other!

Hey, mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint. It's in my diaper and it's not a toaster

Stewie

This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it

Peter: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting a boat.
Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I'm getting a boat!
Peter: Aw man, even Della Reese is getting a boat

Ok, here's the plan. I'll be Charlie and you can all be be my angels! Except you. You be Bosley

Gloria: Mr. Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co-workers, Sarah Bennett. She's suing you and the company for sexual harrasssment.
Peter: Sarah, Sarah? I don't--oh, is she the one we video taped taking a dump?

Quagmire: I'd do everything to you.
Lois: What?
Quagmire: I'd do anything for you

Joe: Hey neighbors, where's your boat?
Lois: We didn't take the boat, we took the mystery box. Hop in!

I say, if you cooked any slower... well, you wouldn't be cooking very fast at all, would you?...Well, that wasn't very good

Stewie
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 14 in total

Family Guy Season 2 Episode 8 Quotes

Lois: Meg, Could you please change Stewie for me?
Meg: Fine. But if a boy calls, please don't tell them I'm wrist deep in poopy

Peter: What day is it?
Lois: Thursday.
Peter: Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm late!
Lois: If you spent less time fixing your hair...
Peter: No Lois, I'm late, late. Do we still have that pregnancy test?
Lois: Are you insane? You can't have a baby.
Peter: Well I don't have a lot of options. I'm Catholic. I thought you'd be happy

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