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Peter: If i'm gay then Freddy Mercury was gay.
Brian: Freddy Mercury? The lead singer of Queen? He was incredibly gay.
Peter: He was not, he had a mustache.
- Permalink: If i'm gay then Freddy Mercury was gay. Freddy Mercury? The le...
(after the the judge rules in favor of McBurgertown industries)
Peter: What!? Hey c'mon, that's not fair!
Judge: Well Mr. Griffin, what did you expect? They have a hundred lawyers. And you tried to bribe me with a subsription to Grape Soda Today, which I already have!
- Permalink: What!? Hey c'mon, that's not fair! Well Mr. Griffin, what did ...
Lois: Peter, have you seen Brian?
Peter: (with his back to her, his voice is muffled) No, Lois. I have not.
Lois: Well, I haven't seen him since this morning and I--what is that on your head?
(Peter turns to reveal Brian duct taped to his face)
Peter: It's a mustache, Lois! What, you've never seen a mustache before?!
Brian: (calmly)Lois, would you mind calling the police or something?
Peter: Quiet, mustache!
- Permalink: Peter, have you seen Brian? No, Lois. I have not. Well, I h...
(looking at Mustache Aficionado Magazine) Wow, look at these men. What class! What grace! And all because of a little upper lip hair. Lois, I am gonna grow a mustache. And I'll have it made like the Monopoly guy. Except when he goes directly to jail.Peter
- Permalink: Wow, look at these men. What class! What grace! And all because ...
Peter: Black mail call!
Lois: Peter, you were supposed to collect Cleveland's mail, not go through it.
Peter: Lois, black people aren't like you and I, and I find that hilarious!
- Permalink: Black mail call! Peter, you were supposed to collect Cleveland...
Stewie: Well Brian, you've lost your bet. I, or rather my alter-ego Zack Sawyer, am currently the most popular boy at James Woods High.
Brian: Well, Stewie, you got the best of me on this one, congratulations. I guess you'll be hanging up your wig now?
Stewie: Oh no Brian, I'm enjoying myself too much. Do you know I have a date with Connie D'amico this Saturday night at Anal Point?
Brian: Ah, I've heard about that place.
Stewie: Really? What's it like? Because I have no idea.
Brian: Well, uh... I suppose if you imagine it like a parking space that you think "gosh, there's no way I'm gonna be able to fit in there." But then you fold in the side view mirrors, and sure enough, well, look at that.
Stewie: Well, in that scenario, it sounds like I'd rather be the parking space than the car.
Brian: Yeah, that's what I always guessed.
- Permalink: Well Brian, you've lost your bet. I, or rather my alter-ego Zack...
Stewie: (after watching One Tree Hill) God these high school students are lame. I'm a freaking baby, and I'm cooler than they are.
Brian: What the hell do you know about high school?
Stewie: Are you kidding? These kids today are so easy to manipulate. If you plopped me in the middle of a high school, I could be the most popular kid there in a week.
Brian: Really, would you care to place a wager on that?
Stewie: Absolutely, what are the stakes?
Brian: Okay, if I win, and you can't do it, you have to put your nose in Meg's hat and take an eight second inhale.
Stewie: Okay, it's a bet.
Stewie: Kiss on it?
- Permalink: God these high school students are lame. I'm a freaking baby, an...
(Peter is seen walking into a stem-cell research facility, and later walking out all cured)
Peter: How long was I in there?
Guard: About five minutes.
Peter: Why are we not funding this!?
- Permalink: How long was I in there? About five minutes. Why are we not ...