Family Guy

Family Guy "Mind Over Murder" Quotes

Peter: Jeez Lois, I just spent all morning on a boat with my friends drinking beers, telling jokes, and screwin' around. How 'bout a little me time?
 • Rating: Unrated

Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons.
Peter: Now listen pal!
Lois: Peter, I'm holding melons.
Peter: Oh.
Man: And her hooters aint bad either.
Peter: Now hold on a second.
Lois: Peter! I'm holding hooters!
Peter: Oh, sorry.
Man: No problem.... Your wife's hot
Peter: Alright that's it
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: I know you cant understand what I'm going through, Lois. I mean all the stuff that makes you happy, you know, like cooking and cleaning - it's alright here in the house just waiting for you. You are one lucky...
Brian: Uh, uh stop. Now
 • Rating: Unrated

[Stewie stumbles up to Lois...]
Stewie: Hello mother, care to partake in your oh so exhilarating games of Peek-A-Boo?
Lois: Oh my god, my baby's drunk!
Peter: No I'm not, what, oh him? Oh yeah, he's a real light weight
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Something troubling you Peter?
Peter: Oh no, nothing. Just all of my friends are eye-humping my wife.
Brian: Well if I were you, I'd keep an eye on her. Then again I'm the jealous type
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal record
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Machiavelli! You've told me nothing I don't already know! Ah Sun Tzu's The Art of War.
Lois: Stewie, those books aren't for babies. Here, watch the Teletubbies.
Stewie: How dare you! That book may hold the key to my enslaving of all mankind
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: I'm in seering pain!
Lois: Oh, you're just teething, Stewie. It's a normal part of a baby's life.
Stewie: Very well then. I order you to kill me at once!
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Mr. Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnis.
Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!
 • Rating: Unrated

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