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Family-guy

All I know is that in Ireland there is a fat bastard who looks just like me.

Meg: Be careful daddy. I love you.
Peter: That'll do pig. That'll do.

Peter: Ah man, I hate kids birthday parities. This is going to be worst then that time I was stuck behind Robert Loggia at the airport
Airport Employee: May I have your name please?
Robert Loggia: Robert Loggia
Airport Employee: Can you spell that for me?
Robert Loggia: Certainly, that's Robert Loggia
R as in Robert Loggia
O as in oh my God! It's Robert Loggia
B as in By god that's Robert Loggia
E as in everyone loves Robert Loggia
R as in Robert Loggia
T as in Tim look over there it's Robert Loggia
SPACE
L as in look it's Robert Loggia
Peter: (sighs)

"Drunken Irish Dad":
Peter: Oh, he doesn't smell like Irish Spring.
And he never taught me anything.
But still, I slap my chest and sing of my drunken Irish dad.
Oh, his face looks like a railroad map
And he never shuts his freakin' trap.
Mickey: But all the ladies catch the Clap from your drunken Irish dad!
Peter: Ask a Hennessey, Tennessey, Morris, and Chaunacy, Riven, and Rudy, they'll tell you the same.
McNulty, Mulrooney, and Carter, and Clooney all feel the same mixture of pride and of shame.
Mickey: Finnegan, Hannigan, Kelly, and Flanagan look to the ground when their dad passes by.
Hafferty, Rafferty, Joyce, and O'Lafferty fight for his honor and then start to cry!
Both: Oh, we Irish lads are all infirm
And our moods infect us like a germ,
Because we're all the spawn of a pickled sperm!
Mickey: And we don't tan well either.
Both: From our drunken Irish dad!

(after Peter beats his dad at drinking)
Mickey: My God, nobody's ever beat me at the game of drink.
Peter: Now do you believe that you're my dad?
Mickey: Nobody but a McFinnegan could handle that much of the creature. You're the broth of me own stubby shillelagh all right.

Whose leg do I have to hump to get a pint of Guinness around here?

O'Brian

Lois: You really gotta stop misbehaving, you're gettin on mommy's nerves.
Stewie: Well, you know what will ease your stress? Slap me across the face like a bitch.
Lois: (sighs) It's all right, I'll get some Windex.
Stewie: Come on, discipline me. Make me wear panties, rub dirt in my eyes, violate me with a wine bottle, my god I really have problems don't I?

(After Lois spanks Stewie)
Stewie: I haven't been this scared since Mother Teresa OD'd in my car.
1st Thug: She is messed up man.
Stewie: Shut up! Just Shut up! Let me (bleep) think!...Push her out!
2nd Thug: We can't leave her alone.
Stewie: Push the bitch out!

Lois: Should we just ask how old she is?
Peter: That'd be kinda awkward, huh? Hey, may be we should just cut off her leg and count the rings?

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