Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFamily Guy Season 11 Quotes
Stewie: I haven't had this much fun since I hosted the Oscars! (cutaway scene starts)
Stewie: Good evening. I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for women everywhere. And also the Jews. Good night.
(Newspaper spins in: "Best Oscars Ever!")
You see that, Brian? That's going to be our penises later, right?
Stewie
Brian: Oh my god, Stewie, it worked! We're in Vegas!
Stewie: Yeah, alright! Let's go to the hospital, get checked for teleportation cancer, and then party!
Peter: The only thing I ever won was an extra day of summer. (cutaway scene starts)
Lois: Okay, Peter, one more day.
Peter: Yay! (runs outside in swim trunks, then back inside) I saw what I look like in a car window, and now I don't wanna go.
Chris: Hey, check it out, there's an air show!
Lois: Oh my god, they're gonna crash!
Peter: Oh no don't worry, it's a gay air show. They're just gonna lightly touch tips.
Wow, a parade! It's like I'm walking past stuff, but I'm not going anywhere!
Chris
The proudest day of a man's life is when his dog goes off to college.
Peter
Peter: And Meg, you yourself said lip gloss unicorns Channing Tatum something something bullcrap.
Meg: You were listening the whole time?
Lois: Peter, where'd you even get the money to make that kind of purchase?
Peter: I sold the house. And I did it on Craigslist, so now I have a dangerous friend!
Lois: Peter, you went out and bought a farm without talking to me about it?
Peter: Well, Lois, in my defense, I have nothing to back up the first part of my sentence.
They stole all my pens! I...I don't have a lot of stuff.
Meg
Lois: Oh my God! We've been burglarized!
Stewie: Well, we'll just have to get that $17 insurance check and start over.
