Friends Season 1 Episode 16: "The One with Two Parts (1)" Quotes
Joey: Hey Pheebs, guess who we saw today.
Phoebe: Ooh, oh fun. Okay. Liam Neeson.
Joey: No.
Phoebe: Morley Safer.
Joey: No.
Phoebe: The woman who cuts my hair!
Monica: Okay, look, this could be a really long game.
Chandler: You know that thing, when you and I talk to each other about things?
Joey: Yeah...
Chandler: Let's not do that anymore.
Joey: Pheebs, you think it would be okay if I asked out your sister?
Phoebe: Why? Why would you wanna do that?
Joey: So that if we went out on a date, she'd be there.
Phoebe: Well, I mean, I'm not my sister's, you know, whatever, and um... I mean, it's true, we were one egg, once, but er, you know, we've grown apart, so, um... I don't know, why not? Okay!
Susan: Why do I have to be the mommy?
Ross: OK. I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time.
Ross: (Introducing themselves in Lamaze class) I'm Ross Geller, and that's, that's my boy in there. And, uh, this is Carol Willick, and this is Susan Bunch. Susan is, um, Carol's... mmm... Who's next?
Lamaze Instructor: I'm sorry, I didn't get that, Susan is...?
Ross: Susan is Carol's, Carol's, Carol's, Carol's friend--
Susan: Life partner.
Ross: Like buddies.
Susan: Like lovers.
Ross: You know how close women can get.
Carol: Susan and I live together.
Ross: Although I was married to her.
Susan: Carol, not me.
Ross: Right.
Carol: It's a little complicated.
Ross: A little.
Susan: But we're fine.
Ross: Absolutely. (To another couple) So twins, ha! That's like two births... Ouch.
Rachel: So Pheebs, what do you want for your birthday?
Phoebe: Well, what I really want is for my mom to be alive and enjoy it with me.
Rachel: Okay. Let me put it this way. Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?
Phoebe: Ooh! Bath salts would be nice.
Rachel: Um, Pheebs, so, you guys just don't get along?
Phoebe: It's mostly just dumb sister stuff, you know, I mean, like, everyone always thought of her as the pretty one, you know. Oh, oh, she was the first one to start walking, even though I did it, later that same day. But, to my parents, by then it was like "Yeah, right, well what else is new?"
Chandler: All right, now look at her and tell me she doesn't look exactly like her sister.
Joey: I'm saying I see a difference.
Chandler: They're twins!
Ross: I don't know whether he's testing me, or just acting out, but my monkey is out of control. But, he keeps erasing the messages on my machine, supposedly by accident.
Rachel: Oh, yeah, I've done that.
Ross: And then, like three days in a row he got to the newspaper before I did and peed all over the crossword.
Rachel: I've never done that.
Chandler: (Thinking he's talking to Phoebe) Wait, wait! What are you doing here?
Ursula: Yeah, um, I was over there, and then you said "Excuse me, hello miss," so now I'm here.
Joey: No, no how come are you working here?
Ursula: Right, yeah, 'cause it's close to where I live, and the aprons are really cute.
This is unbelievable. It's been like a half an hour. If this was a cartoon, you'd be looking like a ham right about now.
Chandler
I always knew I was having a baby. I just never realized the baby was having me.
Ross
