Futurama Season 2 Episode 3: "When Aliens Attack" Quotes
Zapp: You're a brave robot, son. But when I'm in command every mission's a suicide mission. Which reminds me. Leela, perhaps before we head into battle you'd like to make love to me, in case one of us doesn't come back.
Leela: Maybe we should wait till afterwards, in case neither of us comes back.
Zapp: Here's hoping.
The alien mothership is in orbit here. If we can hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate. Now, like all great plans, my strategy is so simple an idiot could have devised it.
Zapp
Zapp: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well-made bed. You will practise until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp: You won't have time for sleeping, soldier. Not with all the bed-making you'll be doing.
Zapp: Remember, our mission is simple: Destroy all aliens!
Kif: Um, uh, not me, sir.
Zapp: Oh, yes, right. Nobody destroy Kif... Unless you have to. Oh, ho, ho! The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sex-ay struggle for the future of the human race!
Leela: Thanks, but I'm not technically human.
Zapp: Right, right. Nobody destroy Leela either.
We're all from different cultures here. Some of you are white, some of you are black. [He stops by a man and points at him.] You're brown. [He moves on to Bender.] And you're silver. But I don't care if your skin's red or tan or Chinese. You're all going to have to learn to die together.
Zapp
Zapp: Since this is an emergency, all robots will now have their patriotism circuits activated.
Bender: It is every robot's duty to give his life for the good of humanity. Oh, crap!
Leela: Well, you heard the windbag: We've been drafted. Everyone into the ship.
Bender: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I refuse to fight. I'm a conscientious objector.
Fry: A what?
Bender: You know, a coward.
Call me cocky, but if there's an alien out there I can't kill, I haven't met him and killed him yet. But I can't go it alone. That's why I'm ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire wildly into the air.
Zapp
Bender: Hey, look, Leela, it's that idiotic windbag you slept with.
Leela: The Earth is under attack. Can't we just forget about that?
Bender: Evidently not.
And now, the man who will lead us in our proud struggle for freedom, fresh from his bloody triumph over the pacifists of the Gandhi Nebula, 25-star General Zapp Brannigan!
McNeal
McNeal: Ladies and gentlemen, our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want a-
The TV cuts to static briefly then changes to Lrrr
Lrrr: People of Earth, I am Lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. Is this thing on? Now then: We want the one you call "McNeal". Give us McNeal or we will lay waste to your cities with our anti-monument laser. We demand McNeal!
McNeal: Uh, as I was saying... mankind would sooner perish than kowtow to outrageous alien demands for this McNeal... whoever he is. Am I right?
Once again, today's winning lotto number was 4. In other news, alien saucers continue to rain destruction upon Earth.
Linda
