Gary Unmarried

Gary Unmarried Quotes (Page 2)

Season 1 Episode 14: "Gary and Dennis' Sister"

Dennis [referring to the painters]: Anything you wan to say to m you can say in front of my real friends
Gary: Your real friends? We picked up three of these guys this morning
 • Rating: Unrated

Anna: I used to kiss my pillow and pretend it was you
Gary: What a coincidence, I used to kiss Allison and pretend she was anyone else
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gary [on the phone]: Allison, I have the answer to all your problems, except your stretch marks and screechy voice...damn, we must have gotten disconnected.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: Woh, deja vu
Gary: It's not deja vu, it's the fifth time you walked into the room!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 13: "Gary Moves In"

Walter: Are you aware that tom just left the house with a grown woman?
Allison: oh uh.. she's fifteen, Walter
Walter: Was she sent from some island to protect mankind?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gary: Are you okay?
Tom: No I'm not okay, my heart is beating so fast my tie is moving
 • Rating: Unrated

Gary: Hey son, when are you leaving for the big dance?
Tom: As soon as cowzilla rips the roof off and plucks me out
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom [to his mom]: Fine, but we are officially even. After this, I don't want to hear how my big head ruined your body
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 12: "Gary Dates Louise's Teacher"

Gary: Her fist isn't swollen from me beating it... with my face?
 • Rating: Unrated

Allison: Why don't you throw a punch?
Gary: I'm trying but she's not where I'm punching!
 • Rating: Unrated

Gary: I'm going to sleep with whoever I have to to prove to my tomorrow I'm not shallow
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Louise: Thank you dad, you restored my faith in men
Allison: What'd he do? Wear pants to go get the mail?
 • Rating: Unrated

Ms. St James: If we're going on a date you should call me erica
Gary: But can I call you ms St James on the date cause that's kinda hot?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 2: "Gary Gets Boundaries"

Allison: I have to deposit these; can you stop writing "this is a holdup" on the memo line?
Gary: Come on, it got you on the news!
 • Rating: Unrated

Gary: What are you talking about? I put everything they had into their backpacks, what did I forget?
Allison: Their backpacks!
 • Rating: Unrated

Allison: I got a speeding ticket on the way over here.
Gary: You got a speeding ticket? What happened, couldn't your two lady friends get you out of it?!
Allison: Gary, I'm not going to sink to that level.
Gary: Why not? They have!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"

Gary: Second Life, huh? That looks pretty cool. You know when I was a kid, we didn't have anything like that. No, we had outside
 • Rating: Unrated

Gary: You didn't tell me you were double jointed. At one point I thought I had broken you.
Vanessa: I'm not double jointed, I just didn't want to complain
 • Rating: Unrated

Gary: Hey kids throw away your books, get rid of your toothbrushes you're with Dad now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Allison: Have you noticed that Tommy's afraid of girls?
Gary: He should be afraid of girls. They pretend to like you and then take all your stuff
 • Rating: Unrated

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