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Rory: They're not going to fire Dean.
Lorelai: Really, why not?
Rory: Well, for starter's, someone stole Taylor's ladder last week and Dean is the only one who can reach the top shelves.
Lorelai: Huh, interesting.
Lorelai: Just as Marty, aka Eve Harrington, shows up trying to take Dean's job, Taylor's ladder mysteriously disappears, suddenly making Dean invaluable no matter what fancy tricks Lon Chaney Junior over there pulls. Good thinking, Dean smart thinking, my friend.
Rory: You need to start napping in the afternoons.
- Permalink: They're not going to fire Dean. Really, why not? Well, for...
Lorelai: I hate crossword puzzles. They make me feel stupid.
Rory: Then don't do 'em.
Lorelai: Well, but if you don't do them, you're not only stupid, you're also a coward.
Rory: Or you have better things to do with your time.
Lorelai: You think people will buy that?
Rory: The people who line up on a daily basis and ask you if you do crossword puzzles and then, when you say no, challenge you as to why? Yes, I think they will buy it.
- Permalink: I hate crossword puzzles. They make me feel stupid. Then don'...
I'm going to need a picture of this Jess so I don't accidentally rip off the head of the wrong kid, because that would be bad.Christopher
- Permalink: I'm going to need a picture of this Jess so I don't accidentally...
Lorelai: Where are you going?
Luke: I'm going to go find Jess.
Lorelai: Yeah, well, I'll tell you one place he's not. He's not in the emergency room getting his arm plastered up!
Luke: Hey! I am sorry about Rory. You know I care more about her than I do myself. But at least you know where Rory is, and at least you know that she's okay. Now I have to go find Jess, and I have to make sure that he's okay, so if that cuts into your screaming time, then that's just too damn bad!
Lorelai: Go to hell!
Luke: Right back at ya!
- Permalink: Where are you going? I'm going to go find Jess. Yeah, well, ...
Information on the blackboard at Lanes and Jess's school test
"There is nothing fascinating on you palm, under your shoe, under your desk, on the floor."
- Permalink: There is nothing fascinating on you palm, under your shoe, under...
Mr. Merten: Every baseball on campus seems to have disappeared.
Luke: Oh, come on, you don't think Jess seriously... I'll check when I get home.
- Permalink: Every baseball on campus seems to have disappeared. Oh, come o...
Luke: I asked you if anyone was hurt.
Lorelai: Was anyone hurt? Well, let's see, Rory is in the hospital right now with a fractured wrist, so yeah, I'd say someone was hurt!
- Permalink: I asked you if anyone was hurt. Was anyone hurt? Well, let's s...
Luke: Look, I'm sure it was an accident. Accidents happen.
Lorelai: Not when my kid's in the car, they don't!
- Permalink: Look, I'm sure it was an accident. Accidents happen. Not when ...
Christopher: This town is like one big outpatient mental institution.
Lorelai: Glad you could join us.
- Permalink: This town is like one big outpatient mental institution. Glad ...
Lorelai: Shh! The chair is trying to sleep.
- Permalink: Mom? Shh! The chair is trying to sleep.
Jess: (about Rory) I made sure she was okay.
Luke: I know you did.
- Permalink: I made sure she was okay. I know you did.
Luke: Was Jess hurt?
Lorelai: No, Luke. Jess did the hurting. That little punk nephew of yours almost killed my kid tonight!
- Permalink: Was Jess hurt? No, Luke. Jess did the hurting. That little pun...