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Mary Todd Lincoln in the house! My husband was probably gay and I'm bipolar which makes me yell about things like "That teacup is spreading lies about me" or "This can't be my baby, because i don't love it."


Rachel: Now class I want you to all go around and discuss what songs they like to hear me perform at sectionals.
Santana: You know what!!! *starts yelling*
Rachel: *Screams*

I suggest selling yourself on Craigslist under the heading of 'Men seeking Men with butt chins.'

Sue [to Will]

You make the underflaps of my breasts burn, like when I used to rub them with poison sumac.


Will: When I'm sick there's only one thing that makes me feel good.
Artie: Gin and juice...

Practice your bipolar rants. See, history can be fun!


Mr. Schu taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I thought they sounded too similar and got frustrated.


Holly: I'm Holly Holliday.
Terri: Are you a porn star or a drag queen?

Rest assured that I, and my attorney Gloria Allred, will be pressing charges.

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