It’s just...it’s really hard being a star.

Rachel

It’s time you heard this. The whole school has been talking about it. Everyone’s convinced sometime between junior and senior year an alien invaded your body and made you shallow and desperate.

Artie

You always get everything you want and I get nothing!

Tina

Now everywhere I go I’m known as the girl with the raging yeast infection.

Santana

I need this job. I’m saving up to buy a noose to hang myself.

Santana

This is the best Christmas present ever, besides curing cancer and peace on Earth, of course.

Tina

So, uh, you got any tricks in that bag, Santa?

Santana

Kurt: Are we all set in there?
Santana: If by all set do you mean did I light the candy cane scented candles on the toilet, then yes, we're all set.

[to Marley] I miss you, every minute of every day. I know that I screwed things up really badly and I'm sorry. I know what I lost and I know that I can't be without you. I need you. I don't want to be this jerk anymore and you are the only one that can make me a better person. A good person.

Jake

So, if you're done being a puppet master, do you think you could take your hand out from under my dress?

Tina

Let me hit you with the blunt instrument of reality, Puckerman. You're still you, a douchey playboy who's going to spend the rest of his life dealing with one mess after another as long as he lives. One of these days, you are going to knock someone up, and I feel bad for whoever has to have a child who shares your DNA.

Bree

[to Blaine] You're America's gay sweetheart!

Puppet Becky

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.