Don't you fucking say my name. I'm peeing.


I've never had an abortion! Check my medical records.


Doug: He commands their attention. It's almost Hitler-esque.
Clyde: I wonder how Ellis Gage matches up in the world domination and Jew killing.
Marty: Jew killing.

Jeannie: After I told you that I was carrying your baby, I kinda can't believe you have no reaction.
Marty: This is my reaction.

Roscoe: Shut the fuck up Dad!
Marty: Hey.
Rocoe: Stop trying to do damage control. The damage is done. Congratulations. Okay. Your narcissim wins again.
Marty: Okay. Okay.
Roscoe: It's bigger than all of us.
Marty: Listen, I was trying to find the right way to tell you. I didn't want it just blurted out.
Roscoe: You don't get to control how the world happens for me anymore.

Clyde: Did you mean to say you are a crazy country?
Marty: That's auto correct. But the word's still there. If she read it out loud, she'll get it.

Marty: When are you going to rape and pillage my company?
Denna: I'd rather stick to raping and pillaging you.
Marty: Boo, don't threaten me with a good time.

Clyde: You know when Mommy and Daddy fight, it hurts me in my no no place.
Doug: Your dick!

When baby goes poopie, we're supposed to make a big fuss.


Ellis: Marty, I'm not going to beg.
Marty: Then I can get back to my book.

Jeannie: I will give you a big, fat juicy blow job if you would just shut the fuck up and stop being such a whiny bitch about it.
Clyde: Okay, so I'm a whiny little bitch?
Jeannie: Yeah, whiny little bitches look at you and say "ew, what a whiny little bitch."
Clyde: Fuck you!
Jeannie: Fuck you!

You're a dishonest person Jeannie. And I get dishonesty. I mean, I do of course. But yours doesn't seem to have an off switch. Now I may end up drowning but it's not going to be because of you.