Doug: My friend, a little tip? I would be nicer to them really because they're going to be stupid rich when their stupid app launches.
Clyde: The fact that we have to share a space with those douchey proto-facist mavericks makes me want to strap a bomb to my chest.

I believe in the dharma of search and destroy. I believe in the dharma of take no prisoners. I BELIEVE in the dharma of kickin' ass. And yet at the end of the day, reality wins.

Marty

Roscoe: The Mayans believed the world would end in 2012.
Marty: Yeah, what do you think?
Roscoe: The Mayans were pretty smart.
Marty: Yeah well you better rest up for the apocalypse then.

Don't kill your moment by making a lot of sounds.

Monica

Who cares if Clyde just pledged Sigma Chi. We are on a plane, it's on fire, billowing smoke coming out of the engines. There's a gaping hole in the cabin. People are being sucked out to certain death.

Marty

Welcome to the new economy America where only the richest, meanest and smartest will remain.

Marty

Can I get an imminent demise?

Clyde

I know what I'm doing at work, but at home with him I don't have a fucking clue.

Marty

If I thought it would grease the wheels, I would run a train on Eyebrows and Ink Stain.

Clyde

The deterrent aspect of mutually assured destruction is predicated on the assumption that both parties are rational. Now you not being a good person by any stretch are at least a rational individual. I on the other hand, I'm a goddamn terrorist and I will crash my 767 right into your prodigious fucking forehead.

Marty

You know what? Maybe I should suck your dick, I've already got your balls in my hand.

Marty

Making a great mix CD requires a level of guile and and and whim you could not possibly understand.

Doug