House of Lies

House of Lies Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 5: "Utah"

Marty: F**kin' Utah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marty: You are good unless you screw up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Doug: She was smiling at all of us.
Clyde: At your faces yes, but she was smiling at my c**k.
 • Rating: Unrated

Monica: Do you know what a golden shower is?
Roscoe: When it's sunny and it rains?
Monica: Oh that's magical.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Clyde: When in Rome bitches!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marty: Now I would rather blow a deaf donkey than stay in one of these places, but they are undeniably profitable.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 4: "Mini-Mogul"

Doug: There's a lot of blue on this page.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeannie: I smoked better weed than this with my seventh grade teacher.
 • Rating: Unrated

Clyde: Which Clooney was that because I've never seen that in my entire life?
Doug: The Facts Of Life Clooney, TV's everyman.
Clyde: TV Clooney is not the real Clooney unless you're talking about ER then barely maybe one season of Clooney.
 • Rating: Unrated

Roscoe: Don't poke the bear when he's hungry. He was a nightmare on Jenny Craig.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marty: You, the one who started this whole thing from your dorm room while spanking the monkey before your eight o'clock.
Doug: God, he's takin' me back.
Jeannie: Mmm me too.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeannie: I bet your dad has to piss vodka just to get a blowie.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 3: "Microphallus"

Jeannie: I would let a homeless schizophrenic rub my feet.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jeannie: Shut up, I'm not drunk!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marty: It's very cute the way you all are sort of learning at your own pace.
 • Rating: Unrated

Marty: Hey Greg, um, how's your beautiful wife? I heard she tastes like Pinkberry.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Roscoe: Hey Dad, want me to teach you how to Dougie?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jeremiah: That woman can do more in bed than any post-menopausal woman has any right to be able to do.
 • Rating: Unrated

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