Jeannie: I'm not giving you my baby!
Sarah: You are so fucking selfish!
Jeannie: And you are so batshit crazy!
Marty: Oh Jeannie. What's the big deal? Just give them the baby! It's not like it's a baby.

Jeannie: Is that Ellis Hightower, the electric car guy?
Marty: Yes, it is.
Jeannie: Shit... What do I have to do to get in here?
Marty: Commit a felony. Grow a penis. Wait a minute. I think you already did one of those.
Jeannie: Well, I'm gonna work on that penis.

(to Jeannie about their relationship) I don't think that's really going too good... at all. I need you...for now. But I can't really get over everything that's happened. I'd like to. I'm trying to. But it's not happening... We need to just get through this transition and then you should leave for good.


Doug: My friend, a little tip? I would be nicer to them really because they're going to be stupid rich when their stupid app launches.
Clyde: The fact that we have to share a space with those douchey proto-facist mavericks makes me want to strap a bomb to my chest.

I believe in the dharma of search and destroy. I believe in the dharma of take no prisoners. I BELIEVE in the dharma of kickin' ass. And yet at the end of the day, reality wins.


Roscoe: The Mayans believed the world would end in 2012.
Marty: Yeah, what do you think?
Roscoe: The Mayans were pretty smart.
Marty: Yeah well you better rest up for the apocalypse then.

Don't kill your moment by making a lot of sounds.


Who cares if Clyde just pledged Sigma Chi. We are on a plane, it's on fire, billowing smoke coming out of the engines. There's a gaping hole in the cabin. People are being sucked out to certain death.


Welcome to the new economy America where only the richest, meanest and smartest will remain.


Can I get an imminent demise?


I know what I'm doing at work, but at home with him I don't have a fucking clue.


If I thought it would grease the wheels, I would run a train on Eyebrows and Ink Stain.


House of Lies Quotes

Hey Dad, want me to teach you how to Dougie?


That woman can do more in bed than any post-menopausal woman has any right to be able to do.