How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Kids, your Uncle Barney grew up without a dad, and it always made him feel incomplete, but as he hugged Loretta surrounded by the boxed up remnants of his happy childhood, he realized he had one hell of a mom.

Ted's voice over

Why do white people like Carrot Top?

Barney

Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan, am I right? Nope, no one's stopping for this.

Barney

Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?

Marshall

Ted: If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months he couldn't possibly be Barney's father.
Robin: He's also quite the detective.

Look at us... it's like three of the same guy. Oh my god, this explains why I was always so good at basketball. Guys, I'm black, sorry African American, no I'm allowed to say both.

Barney

Ah, Valentines, the second base of third grade.

Barney

No Santa needs protein.

Marshall

Lily: Then there's the most popular parental lie in history: Santa.
Marshall: But that's a good lie. Like when we tell Ted he'll meet the right girl and settle down.

Flip Wilson, Bill Cosby, James Earl Jones, Meadowlark Lemon? The list goes on and on.

James

Janie Masterson's mother is whore. With gin on her breath at ten in the morning, she's got some nerve kicking us out of the car pool.

Post Master General

Robin: What, you know what you're doing down there.
Ted: Oh Teddy West Side can bring it, we know this.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 18 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Episode 2 Quotes

Guys, I know you count the minutes until you can escape from your hum drum lives by hearing how awesome mine is.

Barney

So this chick and I are going at it behind the Central Park Zoo, the bonobo chimps are giving us a standing O and just when I'm about to give her the same thing - what up?

Barney