How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother "The Playbook" Quotes

Robin: Look at me, I've sworn off relationships.
Marshall: She is so about to get married.
Ted: I gotta work on my toast.
Marshall: I gotta make sure my tux fits!
Robin: I will bang your heads together like coconuts.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: So ... why is he wearing the scuba gear?
Marshall: We don't know, Claire. And it's killing us! It's killing us!
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: See the blonde over there by the bar? Tizzarget acquizzired!
Robin: Barney, don't do this ...
Barney: Oh, give it a rest, pest.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Girl: Really, a genie comes out of it?
Barney: Only if you rub it hard enough.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: I think we all know who's responsible for this.
Lily: Yes we do.
Barney: Al Qaeda.
Lily: No, you idiot. It was me.
Barney: YOU sonofabitch!!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: You know how many times I've gone looking for frozen waffles in the freezer but there are none?
Robin: Thousands?
Marshall: Millions.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Barney: [narrating] All you have to walk up to every single girl and say "He's not coming."
Girl: What are you talking about?
Barney: Never mind.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Barney: The Lorenzo van Matterhorn will be my triumphant return to the stage! Or, you know, the bed. Actually, my bed is kind of a stage. I could put a platform underneath, make it a real production ...
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Marshall: Another book! We got ... Stephen King over here!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Cheap tricks? Not one of these is a cheap trick! [pauses] Well, except for the Cheap Trick.
 • Rating: Unrated

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