Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Marshall: You know what, excuse me if I don't wanna get married barefoot in the woods next to Lake No-one's-gonna-drive-that-far. Yes, I want a ballroom and I want a band and I want shoes. I've been dreaming about this day since I was like...
Lily: ...a little girl?
Barney: Whaddup? [gives Lily high five]

Ted: Yes, on Saturday, after a little wine and a little dancing...
Barney: Alright, they better be making a new gender, because I'm revoking your dude license.
Ted: Yeah, how was that manicure yesterday?
Barney: Invigorating, thanks

Barney: If that dude can bag a 9, I got to be able to bag a 16.
Ted: What's a 16?
Barney: Those two 8's right over there

Robin: Lily, I need a dress!
Lily: You're going? That's awesome! Oh, my God, four days to find a dress?
Robin: I know, it's a suicide mission!

Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then, well feed them to you like grapes!
Barney: Wait, my eyes or my testicles?
Lily: One of each!

Ted: Okay, guys, I gotta say something, I think my feelings for Robin may be resurfacing.
Lily: Oh, please, they were buried in a shallow grave

Don't beat yourself up. He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's like a billionaire. He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and win ten chicks hotter than you

Barney

Marshall: Ok, I'm just saying that it's my wedding too and I should have a say in it.
Lily: But I'm the bride. So, I win.
Marshall: But I thought marriage is about two equal partners, sharing a life together.
Lily: Right but I'm the bride. So, I win

Robin: How fancy are we talking about here?
Ted: Oh, you gonna wanna bring your A-game.
Robin: Oh, I'll bring it. I'll bring it so hard, the bride's gonna look like a big white bag of crap.

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