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How-i-met-your-mother

Penelope: This wrong guy, is he a huge jackass?
Ted: Absolutely.
Penelope: Kind of like Barney?
Ted: Kind of.
Barney: Hey!
Penelope: You hit on my mom!
Barney: We weren't exclusive!

Penelope: Why the hell should I help you?
Barney: Come on, I know it didn't work out between us, but we did have a relationship.
Penelope: We had sex twice in your car and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship?
Barney: Twice!

You are forcing me to be the voice of reason. And that's not a good look for me!

Barney

Ted: I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?
Robin: Yes. No. Maybe.
Ted: Those are the three options

Ted: Penelope, I really need to make it rain this weekend.
Penelope: Why?
Ted: There's this girl...
Penelope: There's this girl? You know, the traditional rain dance is a sacred prayer to nature. I don't think the Great Spirit looks too kindly on white dudes who co-opt it to get laid

Ted: Have you ever seen a rain dance?
Penelope: I've seen a filmstrip.
Ted: Terrific...Uh, look I should run. I'm getting brain surgery from some guy who's seen a couple of episodes of ER

Lily: So what's this big, beautiful, romantic gesture?
Ted: I am going to make her...a mix CD... No, I'm kidding. I got a plan

Penelope: Okay, crouch down and bend over a little bit.
Barney: Wow, it took 5 shots of tequila to get you in that position.
Penelope: I will throw you off this roof.
Barney: So much of your mom in you

Barney: This feud goes so far back, I don't even remember who fired the first shot.
Marshall: You?
Barney: Totally!

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