How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 22: "Come On"

Penelope: This wrong guy, is he a huge jackass?
Ted: Absolutely.
Penelope: Kind of like Barney?
Ted: Kind of.
Barney: Hey!
Penelope: You hit on my mom!
Barney: We weren't exclusive!
 • Rating: Unrated

Penelope: Why the hell should I help you?
Barney: Come on, I know it didn't work out between us, but we did have a relationship.
Penelope: We had sex twice in your car and then you dumped me. How is that a relationship?
Barney: Twice!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: You are forcing me to be the voice of reason. And that's not a good look for me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: I'm crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?
Robin: Yes. No. Maybe.
Ted: Those are the three options
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Penelope, I really need to make it rain this weekend.
Penelope: Why?
Ted: There's this girl...
Penelope: There's this girl? You know, the traditional rain dance is a sacred prayer to nature. I don't think the Great Spirit looks too kindly on white dudes who co-opt it to get laid
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Have you ever seen a rain dance?
Penelope: I've seen a filmstrip.
Ted: Terrific...Uh, look I should run. I'm getting brain surgery from some guy who's seen a couple of episodes of ER
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: So what's this big, beautiful, romantic gesture?
Ted: I am going to make her...a mix CD... No, I'm kidding. I got a plan
 • Rating: Unrated

Penelope: Okay, crouch down and bend over a little bit.
Barney: Wow, it took 5 shots of tequila to get you in that position.
Penelope: I will throw you off this roof.
Barney: So much of your mom in you
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 21: "Milk"

Barney: This feud goes so far back, I don't even remember who fired the first shot.
Marshall: You?
Barney: Totally!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: I thought it might look cool. Of course, my colorist took "highlights" to mean I want to look like a tiger. Hence the hat.
Ted: Oh, I got to see this!
Robin: No way!
Ted: Please? I bet it doesn't look that bad. I bet it looks grrrrrrrrrrrreat!
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Need a ride, cowboy?
Ted: Sorry, I don't get in vans with strangers.
Robin: Hmmm, too bad. I've got candy.
Ted: Candy!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Lily: There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Future Ted: Here's the thing about mistakes. Sometimes, even when you know something's a mistake, you gotta make it anyway
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 20: "Best Prom Ever"

Lily: Do you think we look young enough to blend in at a high school?
Barney: Please, I'm ageless. Scherbatsky just needs a good night's sleep and you've got statutory written all over your body.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: Your job is very simple. At the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me.
Barney: Yea. Lily, you know I can't promise that
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: I never got to go to my prom; we always had field hockey nationals in the spring.
Barney [coughs and then waits to say]: Lesbian!
Robin: The cough was supposed to cover the lesbian.
Barney: No, I'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate
 • Rating: Unrated

Nerd: Hey, you ladies want something to take the edge off?
Robin: What the hell, it's prom. [takes a drink] That tastes like cough syrup!
Nerd: Yeah, we couldn't get any alcohol. Our fake IDs said we're only 20, and we didn't realize it until after we bought them.
Robin: Nerds who aren't good at math? Life is going to be rough boys
 • Rating: Unrated

Scooter: You're breaking up with me?
Lily: There is so much I still want to do. I want to travel, live overseas, as an artist, maybe have a lesbian relationship, plus I think I was just dating you because you look a little like Kurt Cobain.
Scooter: I can change; I can look more like Kurt Cobain
 • Rating: Unrated

Nerd: So what's the deal here, am I getting lucky tonight?
Robin: Oh, Shawn, look, umm, you're a nice guy but I just don't...
[he throws up on her]
Robin: No, you're not getting lucky tonight
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Okay, I've missed you. Not in a we're going to make out way. Not even in an I forgive you way, just in an "I've missed you" way.
Ted: I'll take what I can get
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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