Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Nerd: So what's the deal here, am I getting lucky tonight?
Robin: Oh, Shawn, look, umm, you're a nice guy but I just don't...
[he throws up on her]
Robin: No, you're not getting lucky tonight

Robin: Okay, I've missed you. Not in a we're going to make out way. Not even in an I forgive you way, just in an "I've missed you" way.
Ted: I'll take what I can get

Ted: So how was your first prom?
Robin: You tell me. I hated my dress. My date got wasted and puked on me. There was a huge fight. And I kissed a girl.
Ted: So basically, it was a prom

Lily & Robin: (to Barney about their prom dresses) Alright, what do you think?
Barney: Horrible!
Lily: (disgusted) You'd make such a great dad.
Barney: It's so classy and nice; you're going to stick out like a sore thumb. Have you seen how the kids are dressing these days? With the Ashley, and the Lindsay and the Paris. They all dress like strippers. It's go ho or go home.
Lily: Well we have to get in. I have to see this band because we have to make a decision by Monday because I'm getting married in 71 days and we still...
Robin: (cutting off Lily's panicked rant) Shhh shhhh. Sweetie, let's focus on one thing at a time, okay? Right now you just have to dress like a whore and that's it.
Lily: Alright.
Barney: That's the spirit. Now ladies, slut up!

Lily [to nerds]: Hey boys, wanna take two hot girls to the prom?
Nerd: Sorry, we don't have money.
Robin: It's free.
Nerds: Okay then

Barney: Guys, I just tasted an amazing caterer.
Lily: We already have a caterer.
Barney: Oh right! You're getting married. [to Ted] You see what I did there?

Even if a dinosaur should poke his head out of my butt and consume this coffee table, I need you to roll with it.

Lily

Crap! Band! We forgot a band! It's just gonna be silence and then people chewing

Lily

Robin: And look, you can still travel, you can still paint, and as far as your lesbian experience. [kisses Lily] Happy?
Lily: Yeah. So, field hockey, huh?
Robin: Shut up

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