How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Quotes

Season 2 Episode 22: "Something Blue"

Barney: Ted, my boy...It's gonna be legen...wait for it...[credits roll]
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: So, Argentina?
Robin: Yes, Argentina.
Ted: Why is this the first I'm hearing about Argentina?
Robin: Um, American schools suck at geography.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: We should come up with a whole new last name.
Marshall: Oh, that's easy; Lily and Marshall Skywalker.
Lily: Lily and Marshall Hasselhoff.
Marshall: Oh, got it. Lily and Marshall Awesome. Have you met our children, our son Totally and our daughter Freaking?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 21: "Something Borrowed"

Ted: Dude... you shaved your fricking head?
Marshall: Yeah! Yeah, but it's good. I'll just shave it all off. What a great solution! Just be bald, cos it's cool, right? Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spea- [looks in mirror] Oh, God, what did I do!? How could you let me shave my head!?
Ted: What!?
Marshall: You're the worst best man ever! I hate you!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: The bride would like the tension out of my shoulders, and she'd like... lets say, you in the inappropriately short dress to rub them
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: May I have everybody's attention...
[Everyone ignores Barney]
Barney: It's for the bride.
[Everyone stops talking and turns towards Barney]
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 20: "Showdown"

Robin [Lily walks out, wearing her wedding dress]: Wow, Lily, you look so beautiful!
Lily: I know, I'm beautiful! I'm a fairy princess! [she lifts her arms up and the dress falls down to her waist, exposing her breasts] I'm too skinny for my dress!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 19: "Bachelor Party"

Barney [talking to Lily in San Francisco]: Yeah, yeah, yeah... Barney what are you doing here...I can't believe it's really you...Come in, have a seat...You want some tea...I know the apartment's small but I don't need much space... let me show you some of my paintings...I think it's some of my best work ever. JUST STOP IT! Lily, you have to come home. You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him and if you knew what he was going through right now you wouldn't be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know and it won't be long until someone else realizes that and you will lose him forever. I can't stand the thought of that happening and I cannot keep stealing chicks from him forever. Never ever tell anyone I was here, I will deny it tooth and nail; this trip never happened. (Barney slams the door behind him.)
Barney [opens Lily's door again]: Hey, if you had three hours to kill before your flight, what would you do... Alcatraz or Fisherman's Wharf
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Alright, fine, the stripper at Stewart's Bachelor Party was a 15.
Ted: She was 15?!?!
Barney: A 15...like in blackjack.
Ted: As in, not sure whether you'd hit it?
Barney: Exactly!
Ted: Nice.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 18: "Moving Day"

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Ted: Barney...
Barney: This isn't Barney. ...but I hear that guy's awesome. All right. Listen very carefully. You will get your stuff back if you are able to complete a series of challenges. Number one, put on the suit. Number two, meet me at MacLaren's in an hour.
Ted: How will I know who to look for since we've never met?
Barney: ...I look like Barney.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 17: "Arrivederci, Fiero"

Marshall: The broken windows?
Lily: We had to make it look realistic!
Marshall: Well why did you break two of them?
Robin: Uhhh...it looked like fun when she did it so I wanted to try.
Marshall: I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: These cigars aren't helping at all.
Robin: Yeah, this was a terrible idea.
Lily: Uggh, now it just smells like a...homeless guy threw up in here.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing: we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the messy parts; the pools that have collected. We gotta soak that soup up. Last...is the smell. We gotta cover up that Tam Kuk Gye. You mentioned cigars?
Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving...
Robin: Hand me those chopsticks.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 16: "Stuff"

Robin: Oh, my God. You've been robbed.
Ted: Nope. Just got rid of all my old girlfriend stuff.
Robin: All that stuff was from your exes? Didn't you buy any stuff of your own?
Ted: What can I say? Papi got swag.
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Eight Flights of Stairs. Who puts a theater up 8 flights of stairs? What kind of building is this?
Barney: Well from the smell of it, a Urine Factory
 • Rating: Unrated

Future Ted: New York is famous for its theater, but there are different levels. There's Broadway; off-Broadway; off-off-Broadway; homeless people screaming in the park; and below that, the play your Aunt Lily was in
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Robin: She's leaving expensive lotions all over town. Sounds like a whore to me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 15: "Lucky Penny"

Barney [about waiting in line for a wedding dress sale]: I can't go, I've got this thing....
Lily: What thing?
Barney: ...a penis
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney [about how easy it is to run a marathon]: Step one, you start running. There is no step two
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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