How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 2 Episode 14: "Monday Night Football"

Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Ted: Virtually.
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Lily: Sartorial?
Barney: Of, or pertaining to, tailors or their trade. Suits are for the living. That's why, when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. BUCK NAKED. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: But just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods.
Ted: Almighty TiVo, We thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of god-like. And let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, o magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats.
Marshall and Ted: Amen.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 13: "Columns"

Barney: You have been blessed with a wonderful gift.
Lily: Thank you.
Barney: I meant me
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney [seeing his nude painting]: You gave me the Ken doll... She left out Little Barney, Barnacle Junior, My Barnana, Barnito Surpreme
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily [trying to paint Barney with a sword in his hand]: I don't think your sword will fit.
Barney: I get that a lot.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 12: "First Time in New York"

Robin: You know what? You gave it away too early. You're an "I love you" slut.
Ted: Yeah, well you're an "I love you" prude. You know what? I'm taking mine back.
Robin : You can't do that!
Ted : Just did. In fact, I'm giving it away, because I'm a slut.
Ted [to a stranger]: Hey, I love you.
Stranger : Thanks, man! I came in here to jump. I really needed that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux-hawk. This can't happen, you guys have help me talk her out of it.
Marshall: A speech to talk a girl out of sex...
Ted: ...yeah I don't have any of those.
Barney: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
Robin: Please I'm her older sister I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions
Lily: It's 2 o'clock and you've already had three Scotch and Sodas.
Robin: That's why I need your help!
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: I've never been to the Empire State Building before, but I'm glad I waited.
Lily: I haven't been to the Empire State Building either, but I'm glad I get to go with my fiancée.
Marshall: And I signed an abstinence pledge in high school, and it's totally cool. Also, stay away from drugs... except pot.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 11: "How Lily Stole Christmas"

Barney: Christmas is a time when people are lonely and desperate, it's the most wonderful time of the year
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: When you walk through the door, does it feel like you are being slapped in the face by Christmas?
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: This is a low moment for the Barnacle. I should be off playing laser-tag right now but instead ... don't look at me, I'm hideous.
Robin: You just look like a regular guy.
Barney: Exactly, I'm a Ted! I'm wearing elastic waist fleece pants
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Oh Robin, my simple friend from the untamed north. Let me tell you about a little thing I like to call 'mind over body' ... You see, whenever I start feeling sick, I just stop being sick and be awesome instead. True story
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Barney! What the hell are you doing? Get in here, it's freezing outside. Are you insane?
Barney: Blame Lily and her oppressive no-cigars-in-the-appartment-rule. God, it's like Marshall is marrying the Taliban.
[Barney sneezes on his hand]
Barney: High-five.
Robin: Ewww, no. Look, you have to go home and get to bed
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney [after blowing his nose]: I'm fine. My nose is just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

[after Ted tells Barney what he called Lily]
Barney: Ted Vivian Mosby!
Ted: That's not my middle name..
Barney: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Ted: Like you've never said that word?
Barney: I don't kiss your mother with my mouth, yet...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 10: "Single Stamina"

Barney [to James]: Oh man, I am so excited that you're here! It has been forever since I have been around anyone even remotely fun!
Barney [to Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin]: Huh... yes offense
 • Rating: 2.5 / 5.0

Barney [about his brother]: He's the awesomest, most best-lookingest, greatest guy ever!
Lily: He's exactly like Barney.
Barney: That's what I just said.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can't order because they'll be made fun of.
Ted: Dude
Marshall: They're delicious!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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