Are you a TV Fanatic?
Sign up for our daily newsletter to receive personalized television news for free!
Lily: These cigars aren't helping at all.
Robin: Yeah, this was a terrible idea.
Lily: Uggh, now it just smells like a...homeless guy threw up in here.
- Permalink: These cigars aren't helping at all. Yeah, this was a terrible ...
Robin: Shut up! Now listen to me. The clock is ticking. Okay, first thing: we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, what we need to take care of are the messy parts; the pools that have collected. We gotta soak that soup up. Last...is the smell. We gotta cover up that Tam Kuk Gye. You mentioned cigars?
Lily: There's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving...
Robin: Hand me those chopsticks.
- Permalink: We scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. Next, w...
Robin: Oh, my God. You've been robbed.
Ted: Nope. Just got rid of all my old girlfriend stuff.
Robin: All that stuff was from your exes? Didn't you buy any stuff of your own?
Ted: What can I say? Papi got swag.
- Permalink: Oh, my God. You've been robbed. Nope. Just got rid of all my o...
Robin: Eight Flights of Stairs. Who puts a theater up 8 flights of stairs? What kind of building is this?
Barney: Well from the smell of it, a Urine Factory
- Permalink: Eight Flights of Stairs. Who puts a theater up 8 flights of stai...
New York is famous for its theater, but there are different levels. There's Broadway; off-Broadway; off-off-Broadway; homeless people screaming in the park; and below that, the play your Aunt Lily was inFuture Ted
- Permalink: New York is famous for its theater, but there are different leve...
She's leaving expensive lotions all over town. Sounds like a whore to me!Robin
- Permalink: She's leaving expensive lotions all over town. Sounds like a who...
Barney [about waiting in line for a wedding dress sale]: I can't go, I've got this thing....
Lily: What thing?
Barney: ...a penis
- Permalink: I can't go, I've got this thing.... What thing? ...a penis
Step one, you start running. There is no step twoBarney [about how easy it is to run a marathon]
- Permalink: Step one, you start running. There is no step two
Ted: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't suit up?
Barney: Have I taught you nothing, Ted?
Barney: Suits are full of joy. They're the sartorial equivalent of a baby's smile.
Barney: Of, or pertaining to, tailors or their trade. Suits are for the living. That's why, when it's my time to R.I.P. I'm going out of this world the same way I came into it. BUCK NAKED. Yeah. It's gonna be awesome. Open bar for the guys, open casket for the ladies
- Permalink: So let me get this straight. A funeral is the one time you don't...
Marshall: But just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the TiVo gods.
Ted: Almighty TiVo, We thank you for all the gifts you have given us. The power to freeze live TV to go take a leak is nothing short of god-like. And let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. It seems greedy to ask anything more from you, o magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the Super Bowl, we will destroy you in the alley with baseball bats.
Marshall and Ted: Amen.
- Permalink: But just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads ...
Barney: You have been blessed with a wonderful gift.
Lily: Thank you.
Barney: I meant me
- Permalink: You have been blessed with a wonderful gift. Thank you. I me...
You gave me the Ken doll... She left out Little Barney, Barnacle Junior, My Barnana, Barnito SurpremeBarney [seeing his nude painting]
- Permalink: You gave me the Ken doll... She left out Little Barney, Barnacle...