How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Quotes
Barney [to James]: Oh man, I am so excited that you're here! It has been forever since I have been around anyone even remotely fun!
Barney [to Ted, Marshall, Lily and Robin]: Huh... yes offense
- Permalink: Oh man, I am so excited that you're here! It has been forever si...
Barney [about his brother]: He's the awesomest, most best-lookingest, greatest guy ever!
Lily: He's exactly like Barney.
Barney: That's what I just said.
- Permalink: He's the awesomest, most best-lookingest, greatest guy ever! H...
Marshall: Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can't order because they'll be made fun of.
Marshall: They're delicious!
- Permalink: Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of rea...
Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
- Permalink: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural. Yeah, they're l...
Hold on to your bedsores grandparents from Willy Wonka!Barney
- Permalink: Hold on to your bedsores grandparents from Willy Wonka!
Barney: (After being slapped by Marshall) Your hands are monsterous.
Marshall: What did you expect? You've seen my penis.
- Permalink: (After being slapped by Marshall) Your hands are monsterous. W...
Ted: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong.
Robin: He moved there for business!
- Permalink: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to H...
Lily: Like you really need an excuse to watch porn.
Barney: Canadian porn. Trust me when I tell you their universal health care plan doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to watch one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'm going to go "oot" of my mind.
- Permalink: Like you really need an excuse to watch porn. Canadian porn. T...
Barney: Fine, if you wanna know what Robin's secret is...
Ted: You know??!
Barney: Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do porn....wait for it....ography!
Ted: Yea, we didn't really need to wait for that. And it's ridiculous!
Lily: I don't know. He could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.
Lily: What? The walls are thin.
Ted: That's not what I'm 'hey'-ing you about.
- Permalink: Fine, if you wanna know what Robin's secret is... You know??! ...
[Barney describing deal breakers in flashbacks...]
Girl #1: It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.
Girl #2: I don't have an eating disorder, it's just when I put food in my mouth, I chew it and then I spit it out!
Girl #3: I just turned 30.
- Permalink: It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin til...
Ted: Wha...I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?
Barney: Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.
Marshall: The "Ohhh..." moment?
Barney: Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker
- Permalink: Wha...I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates mall...
Ted: You're scared of the seven dwarves?
Robin: Just of Doc. He's creepy... I mean, the guy went to medical school, what is he doing living with six coalminers
- Permalink: You're scared of the seven dwarves? Just of Doc. He's creepy.....
Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."
- Permalink: Top ten things I would've called my truck... It was never your...
Barney: For the first time...ever...the three of us are single at the same time. I've dreamed about this day, boys, and it is going to be le...gen...dary! Together we will own this city. Any time a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we'll be there. Any time a girl wants to...solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge drinking WE WILL BE there. Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo, sticking their heads out the sunroof, shouting "WHAT'S UP NEW YORK!!", we will be what is "up" New York! Gentlemen, we are about to embark on...
[Barney looks at Robin and Ted...]
Barney: Oh man, you guys did it, didn't you?!
- Permalink: For the first time...ever...the three of us are single at the sa...