How I Met Your Mother Season 2 Quotes
Lily: Wow you weren't kidding it really does look like a giant penis.
Ted: I know, but whatever reason Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it.
Lily: How can he NOT see it? I mean there's the [points]
Ted: I know...
Lily: And the way it...
Ted: I know...
Lily: And the two little...
Ted: I know!
Ted: Give him his ball back right now! People are gonna get fired!
Lily: No, they're not! It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time.
Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr. Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back!
Lily: Why would I want to change anything? This place is great, except you don't have a TV.
Barney: [Points to wall] See that wall? [Turns on TV] 300 inch flatscreen! They only sell them in Japan but I know a guy. They ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong!
Lily: It hurts my eyes...
Barney: Yeah, that doesn't go away
Barney: Look around you, Lily! You are in the heart of Bachelor Country. And as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now, you could try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts twelve hours...fourteen if you qualify for multiple entry, heh!
Lily: Ewwww....is something some lame, judgemental chick would say, but I say 'gimme multiple high-fives'!
Barney: Wow, you really are desperate.
Lily: I really am.
Ted: Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon.
Robin: I'd offer her my place, but I have dogs and she's allergic.
Ted: Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's more allergic to that.
Robin: What about your place, Barney? I know it's surrounded in mystery, but it's gotta have a couch.
Barney: The Fortress of Barnitude?? No way.
Robin: Oh come on. She's desperate.
Barney: Mmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, but pass
Ted: Is that a toilet in your kitchen?
Robin: Or a stove in your bathroom?
Lily: Oh...that's not just a stove. That's a stoveinkerator! A combination of a stove, oven, sink and refrigerator. Stoveinkerator! Isn't that futuristic?!
Ted: God I hope not
Ted: Marshall...you up for some super-loud repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90's?
Marshall: Um...only always
Lily: He asked her to a party?! Oh my God, are you okay?
Robin: Okay? It's awesome! It's a win-win: Ted got to vent and I don't have to hear it. Maybe after he's done with the talky-talk, he'll come over and I'll get the fun part
Robin: Hey Carl, is Ted still here?
Carl: No. Hey Lily! Still single?
Lily: Yes.
Carl: You know, I've poured a lot of free drinks for you over the years. A lot.
Lily: Carl, do you really wanna be with a woman who would trade sex for beer?
Carl: Only if you're into it. [pours a beer] It's on me.
Lily: Thanks!
Ted: This project is getting harder and harder!
Barney: Yeah you did!
Ted: Had to!
Marshall: Well, all skyscrapers kinda look...like a...
Ted: Marshall, it's a 78 story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front.
Marshall: Wow, so it's the whole package.
Barney: Ha ha ha! Yeah you did!
Marshall: Had to!
Barney: Oh, dude, if they're selling condos you gotta get me in. And don't give me the shaft.
Marshall: Yeah you did!
Barney: Had to!
Barney [on a note left to girl]: Dear Resident, The time we spent together, however long it was, meant the world to me. I would love to see you again but unfortunately I cannot. You see, I am a ghost. I can only materialize once every decade, on the anniversary of my death. I chose to spend my one day among the living with you, sweet resident. Perhaps we will meet again, in another decade--provided you keep your figure. Until then, all my love from the beyond, Barney.
Resident: Barney... Who the hell is Barney?