How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 3 Quotes

Season 3 Episode 20: "Miracles"

Marshall: God sent those lice to my head like he sent the locust to Egypt: to liberate me from corporate bondage. Miracle
 • Rating: Unrated

Stella: So, my sister broke up with her boyfriend.
Ted: Well, now I can finally say it: I hated that guy! Everything out of his mouth is 'I'm a vegan!', 'Fish feel pain!', 'I'm never constipated!'. That guy's an idiot.
Stella: Actually, she's marrying him. I just wanted your honest opinion.
Ted: He's actually a really nice guy. There's a wisdom
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 19: "Everything Must Go"

Barney: Why are you trying to ruin my life?
Abby: You slept with me and you never called me again.
Barney: And?
Abby: That's it!
Barney: That's it?! As far as I'm concerned if I leave you safe on a dry land with adequate transportation home you got nothing to complain about!
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Ted: Hey, how was your day?
Lily: Today I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow.
Ted: A rainbow?! Sounds like that bitch had it coming
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Abby and I are in love. Not hot, passionate love. Couple love! You know, movie night with my girlfriend then waiting for her to go to bed so I can steal one pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy by the cold blue light of my computer monitor
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 18: "Rebound Bro"

Ted: Unexpected number of testicles?
Stella: It happens. I knew a guy in med school, we used to joke he was one ball from getting walked
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Robin: Let me ask you something, Ted... why are you so much madder at Barney than me?
Lily: Yeah... she had just as much sex with Barney as Barney had with her!
Robin: You know what, I'm not sure that's true
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: No offense, Randy, but there is a long list of candidates for this slot. This slot is Vice President of Awesome. And you're like Assistant Undersecretary of Only OK.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door.
Stella: Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow
 • Rating: Unrated

[Marshall's cell phone rings]
Marshall: Hey buddy...I'm married Barney, I cannot be your new wingman.
[Robin's cell phone rings]
Robin: No
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 17: "The Goat"

Ted [about sleeping with Robin]: By the way, my mother is coming to visit next week. Maybe you would like to nail her too!?
Barney: Are you saying you don't want to be bros anymore?
Ted: I'm saying I don't want to be friends anymore
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Hey Barney, I'm get rid of some of my old stuff; do you want my X-Box?
Barney: [gasps in horror] She has a name, Ted! Just what are you accusing me of?
Ted: Uh, liking video games
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Now we go back to exactly the way things were before.
Barney: Okay.
Robin [whispering]: Okay.
Barney: All right... So Robin?
Robin: Yes Barney?
Barney: Guess who nailed the chick from Metro News One last night?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Robin: Okay, here's the deal Barney; the moment my feet touch the ground this never happened.
Barney: Okay. Wait! [lifts up covers] Right-Click, Save As, Into the b-peg folder and Okay! This never happened. It's a good plan
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: So... I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend.
Robin: And I just slept with ex-boyfriend's really good friend.
Barney: Best friend.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: In my experience the way this normally goes is we lie here for a while; make a little awkward chit-chat.
Robin: Check.
Barney: Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I got to be at, slip out of your apartment and never call you again.
Robin: And later at the bar you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest and she wonders to herself "Who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed in to bed with Barney Stinson?"
Barney: Actually, you usually say that out loud
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 16: "Sandcastles in the Sand"

Barney [referring to Robin's music video]: You know, if you re-edit there's a tampon commercial in here somewhere
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: You're the most awesome person I've ever met. Well, second.
Robin: Right, first being you.
Barney: No, actually, it's this guy I know who lives in something called the mirror. What up?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 15: "The Chain of Screaming"

Barney: Shotgun for eternity!
Robin: You can't call shotgun for eternity.
Barney: I call that I can call things
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Ted: Gee, is that ice cream cone big enough?
Robin: Uhhh, it's delicious enough
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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