Lily [to Marshall]: Hey you want to go do it in Barney's childhood bed again?
Barney: My race car bed?
Marshall: It handles great buddy

Woman: You said that if I slept with you my son would get the part
Barney: Well apparently I'm a better actor than your kid

Ted: Where does this woman live?
Robin: We're talking about a woman that actually Barney Stinson to commit, I'm guessing Narnia

Barney: Lottery girl's on.
Robin: I just feel sorry for these women. This is where broadcast careers go to die.
Barney: Check it out, I made a little game.
Lottery Girl: And tonight's lotto numbers are: 19,
Barney: Age you moved to New York after a photographer "discovered" you at a food court and said he would get you into Vogue Magazine.
Lotto Girl: 53,
Barney: Number of semi-nude pictures he took of you before you realized he had no connection to Vogue Magazine.
Lotto Girl: 22,
Barney: Age you claim you are.
Lotto Girl: 31,
Barney: Age you actually are.
Lotto Girl: 45,
Barney: Number of minutes it would take me to get you into a cab, out of your dress and into my Jacuzzi.
Lotto Girl: And tonight's Super Big Ball is...
Barney: What happens after we get out of the Jacuzzi. What Up!

Lily: Doctor X, you're still bragging about Doctor X?
Robin: Who's Doctor X?
Ted: Nobody knows. He was this genious mystery DJ.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Ted: His identity remains a mystery to this day.
Lily: It was Ted.
Ted: But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Lily: And your show sucked

Barney: So I explained to her, I said Madelin, every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension
Ted: Every international conflict?
Barney: Every single one, dude
Ted: So the crisis in the middle east could be solved by?
Barney: Gaza Strippers. Next.
Ted: Apartheid?
Barney: Apart Thighs? What else you got?
Ted: Cold war.
Barney: Ms. Gorbachev, Take Down Those Pants

You're right, super hot lady that my wife keeps telling me why you're famous but I keep forgetting

Marshall [to Kim Kardashian]

How I Met Your Mother Season 4 Quotes

Barney: So I explained to her, I said Madelin, every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension
Ted: Every international conflict?
Barney: Every single one, dude
Ted: So the crisis in the middle east could be solved by?
Barney: Gaza Strippers. Next.
Ted: Apartheid?
Barney: Apart Thighs? What else you got?
Ted: Cold war.
Barney: Ms. Gorbachev, Take Down Those Pants

You're right, super hot lady that my wife keeps telling me why you're famous but I keep forgetting

Marshall [to Kim Kardashian]