Mary: One more thing...
Marshall: I'm not giving you my pie.
Mary: Hoarder.
Marshall: Glutton.

Bad guys always have the best food.

Mary

Just so we're clear, if you tell any of them anything I will move you and your family so fast it will make your tiara spin.

Mary

Sometimes there is truth to a lie... Sometimes the mask that you weare reveals more than the face that lies beneath. Because the person you are pretending to be becomes the person you are.

Mary

Major Provo: Well, according to Sue he's been battling insomnia, emotional detachment, disproportionate outbursts of anger. Guess what those are symptoms of.
Marshall: Pregnancy?

Marshall: It's got 140,000 mile on it.
Mary: It's road tested. Durable.
Marshall: Or seen through another lens, a candidate for the junkyard.

Everybody fakes it. Pretending to like a friend's spouse, feigning interest in the ozone or Christmas carols at the door. Just to seem somehow smarter or nicer, kinder, funnier. It's like we all want to be Canadians or something.

Mary

In my experience, holding out for closure does nothing but prolong the pain. Stoics got it right. Lance the boil, rip off the bandaid, man up and get on with it.

Mary

Mom, are we seriously going to have this warm and fuzzy catch up in front of all these other weeble wobbles?

Mary

Beth: This is where the cheerleaders sit.
Mary: Ah, explains the hives.

Little girl: He's not feeling too good. Pooped all over our energy garden.
Mary: Well, you've got an energy garden. You kind of had it coming.

Look, whatever you're going to do I have total faith that it will be the right thing for you and everyone but it's hard for me to stand here and go on about being here for Grace no matter what without making it clear that the same thing goes for you, times ten.

Marshall

In Plain Sight Quotes

One of the most difficult moments in anyone's life is when the fog of childhood lifts and we see for the first time our parents as people.

Mary

Marshall: You are in a different kind of mood this morning.
Mary: Actually, I'm in a really good mood. Which is kind of weird considering where I was 48 hours ago. Then I had a witness off herself and, like that is not bad enough, I've got to play second fiddle to a knucklehead like you.
Marshall: Thanks for lumping me in with kidnapping, attempted rape and suicide. Can't tell you how much that means.