I'm the queen of the night.


I know you bitch.

Waitress [to Dee]

I don't want to talk to old men who are pretending to be women and ex-wives.


Dennis: A dead tooth.
Maureen: With a diamond in it.
Dennis: Put a diamond in anything that's dead and it's still dead.

It wafted over here. The dead tooth. It stinks.


Do not talk to me for the rest of the night and know that I won't be talking to you because you lower my stock.

Dennis [to Charlie and Mac]

For some reason homophobia is awesome to these guys.


Looks like the Rat got too much cheese.

Adriano [to Mac]

He called you dirt grub and made you eat spiders.

Dee [to Charlie]

Brad Fisher: It's not acne. It's hornet scars.
Dennis: I don't think I have any products that take care of hornet scars.

Dee: Baby got back.
Dennis: Sir Mix-A-Lot was not talking about women whose backs have recovered from horrific spinal disorders.

Black butts are good!


It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 7 Quotes

With real power comes real responsibility and I don't want any of that shit. I just want the money and the illusion of power. And puss.


Naked pics online? That's disgusting. On a website? There's so many of them though. Where? Which one?